run on sentences

On the day after Christmas, it snowed most of the morning. The kids went skiing. Jack and I decided to go for a run to enjoy the snow and also to go over my guilt for gifts unpurchased, cards unsent, and cookies unmade for the neighbors along with a slight sadness that always happens on the day after Christmas because it is over. That is why running is good - most of these things can be worked out and all the Christmas weight (figuratively and literally) can be lifted in 5 miles. (Caption for the first two pictures, since I don't know how to put it under the picture - The first one is the "S" curve which is a pretty part of my usual 5 or so mile run. The second picture below is Jack the dog, my faithful confidant and running buddy. He loves the snow and is always willing to go out. He is 9 years old but you wouldn't know it). I am sure that damn Jennifer would have had all the rescued yarn scarves and even a sweater knitted for each of her perfect children as well as ...

So who knew that there would be an ice storm and our girl trip to Dallas would be delayed for a day in a Motel 6 somewhere in Little Rock, Arkansas with only a Waffle House and some sort of convenience store to keep us company? I guess I have heard of ice storms in the south but didn't expect to actually experience one. It was kinda fun to be holed up. I was glad to have Carol Ann with us to translate the Southern dialect - everyone is incredibly friendly and says "thank kyew!" As it turns out, breakfast at the waffle house was a great meal of grits, waffles, eggs, bacon and surprisingly good coffee. Dinner was not so good. We ran out of hummus and Cheetos so settled for chicken wraps and chicken salad...not so good from the waffle house - a mystery meat that was supposed to be chicken. We got some Coronas from the convenience store though. What party animals we are - a six pack of Corona to share between the three of us. In between breakfast and dinner, we took Lewie the...

So I am in a motel 6 outside of Knoxville, TN with Kseniya, Carol Ann and Lewie the dog. We left Carlisle PA today around 11, planning to leave at 9, but realizing we did not have to be a slave to time, left at 11 am. Kseniya and I ran Lewie around for about 30 minutes, hoping to tire him out, but alas, he panted for the first 2 hours thinking he was going to be taken to the boarding place. Actually we are headed to Texas where Carol Ann's parents live and she will visit for Christmas and Kseniya and I will fly back to snowy Utah. A road trip with girls is a great thing. Our game was to count TJ Maxx stores of which we only saw 2 and did not stop. But we stopped to pee whenever we wanted and at a Starbucks. We ate cheetos, chips, Lattes, green tea (for our antioxdants) and cheetos and hummus which was amazingly good. We talked about Christmas traditions of our youth - it was hard to think of it being Christmas without snow and it was amazing to pass through Maryland, Virg...

Tonight I baked roles for a meeting tomorrow. Since I never cook or at least hardly ever, it makes me feel very domestic. I think about what it would be like to be a woman named Jennifer. Jennifer is tall (but not too), blond (real) slender, with firm bosoms and a nipped waist. She wears white gauzy dresses that never get dirty and it is a contrast to her beautiful golden skin (no fake bake). Her golden hair spills down her back in perfect natural curls with little wisps around her face when she is glistening. She never sweats and she never has to shorten her pants, partly because she is tall enough to find the perfect size but also because she always has some kind of dress on that she has made that looks perfect. She also sews clothes for her children and makes sweaters out of the wool she gets from her lambs in the back yard. She makes her own soap, and weaves rugs out of all her old plastic bags. You can find me as Jennifer in a garden or flower bed, weeding. I don't work outsid...

Happy birthday Bob wherever you are.

This is the house I grew up in, leaning even more to the right than it used to. The yard is grown over and the house is dying on the inside as well as the outside - kind of like all of us. It remains a part of me and I can't help but return to it often in my memories and in my dreams. Every time I visit my mom, I walk across the street from where she currently lives and let myself in to the dark, musty and quiet house, filled with memories of my childhood, mostly good but some tainted by my father's alcoholism and my mother's silent suffering because of it. There's still a dent in the kitchen wall by the back door where my mom threw a coffee pot at him one night. The upper cabinets over the sink are still without doors and I remember my mom washing dishes there and my dad accidentally shooting her in the ear with a BB gun. I go over to the old place and I sift through the junk left behind hoping to find things I want to keep. I have already taken all the dolls from my c...

Friday at work, we were getting a lecture from a trauma surgeon about doing open thoracotomies, which means cutting into someones chest to do open heart massage, or to clamp an aorta to stop bleeding, or to do some other life saving thing in the ER because the person will die before you get to the operating room. The outcome, as one might guess even if one is horrified by even the thought, is grim, especially in pediatric patients. However, the outcome is certain to be death without this last ditch effort. Anyway, the surgeon said there are two simple rules to remember. I thought he was going to mention the right sized rib spreaders or aortic clamp, but I was wrong. Here's his two rules: 1. If it bleeds, put your finger on it. 2. Don't be a dork. I think his point was to not panic. One good way to not panic is to have all the necessary equipment...much of it looks like tools one would use to build something - thinks that maybe you could buy at Sears. Did you know that ...

When I was in Michigan, I went for a walk with my brother to the town's beautiful cemetery. He is an alcoholic and has been drinking since he was 13 or even before for all I know. He won't admit it though - just like most alcoholics, he lives in denial, in his own movie as he puts it. I can't change his movie. No one can, no matter how much we love him and want to help. I don't think even the TV show "Intervention" would save him. I don't know why he is this way - there's a long line of alcoholics in our genes so maybe it is hereditary. Or maybe it is because when he was only 7 our dad who was an alcoholic at the time, got in a bad accident and couldn't be what my brother needed anymore. Who knows? Anyone that has an alcoholic in the family probably has theories. I wonder why it is that I can have a few glasses of wine and then quit and he can't. We have always been pretty close but sadly I remember only a few times since we were you...

This is Suzanne, me and Paula today on world run day which happened to be my 55 th birthday and entry into a new race category. Look how good we look for women over 50! I am the oldest (in the middle). Paula and I ran for our friend Bob, who died of ALS about 6 weeks ago, and his wife who has cancer. We will donate some money to the Utah ALS foundation. Suzanne ran for her four children and also for the Best Friends Animal Shelter in Kanab - it's a wonderful organization that saves a lot of animals, including Michael Vick's dogs. My daughter, across the country in Carlisle, PA, ran too, with sweet Lewie the dog. Anyway, we ran about 15 miles - give or take. We did what we call the Devonshire run - one of our favorites and also our friend Bob's favorite run. It is a hard route. Suzanne and I ran about 1.5 miles to the start of the Bonneville Shoreline Trail where we met Paula. Then we ran to the zoo and above it (pretty hilly run) to Devonshire street which is as clo...

Below are some pictures taken on one of my runs or walks in my little home town in Northern Michigan a few weeks ago. This one is a view of the main street, which is about a mile long from end to end. The church is the Methodist church. the original one burned down and was replaced with this one which is almost exactly like it. The church bell is over 100 years old. My sister had them ring the bells on the day Bob died. My dad's funeral was here as well. The two pictures above are of a road that leads into the woods and up to a replica of a little old church that burned down years before my time. There are a lot of mine shafts up there and my dad used to cut wood up here when I was little. He knew all the types of trees. When I was in high school, we used to have keg parties in these woods. Sometimes there is bear poop on the road so I did not run very far in this direction. This picture is the view from the hill where my grandma used to live. The house on the left belonged to the ...

Happy 27Th Bill. Since we already did the reminiscing entry last year and I don't want to overdo it, I decided to give you some advice based on what I have learned over the years. You may be way ahead of me on all of these but nonetheless, here they are in no particular order. 1. Be true to yourself or as someone else said "To thine own self, be true". Life isn't a popularity contest - make your own self happy and do what makes you happy. Trends come and go and if you buy stainless steel appliances, next year they will be outdated. If what you have works, keep it. But be generous to others and good causes. Oh and never, ever do anything just for money. It is funny that we do all know what we should do, but we don't often have the courage to do it. 2. You can't make everyone happy all the time and don't waste time trying. On the other hand, you can never give enough thank yous - even to people you don't know. You never know when you will make someones ...

I am in Michigan enjoying the last of the falling leaves. Got here on Thursday and found things pretty much as I left them but my mom seems more weak and more fragile. She turned 80 yesterday and in this small town where only about 13 people show up for the Methodist Church Service, they sang happy birthday to her. Her brother and his wife came over and brought a cake and Siggie made roast beef and mashed rutabagas and mashed potatoes. I actually cooked a chicken on Saturday and am making chicken noodle soup this afternoon, much to the surprise of my sister who didn't know I had any cooking abilities. My sis knows my brother is not the most careful person in his construction projects but for some reason still lets him do things like put on a new storm door today. Then they started fighting because he didn't do it right. I think she feels bad for him and he wants to help her and they both have too high expectations of each other and it goes on from there. I have decided t...

Today when I called my mom on the way to work she told me that she saw my dad. This is not good, since my dad died two years ago. She seemed to be of sound mind and I had read a lot of books about death and seeing dead people before you die (which worried me) so I said, in my most therapeutic voice: "Was it a good feeling or a bad feeling? Were you scared?" "It was a good feeling", she said. "He was whole. He had both of his legs (one leg had been amputated just before he died because of gangrene). I started to say something to him and then he was gone." "What do you think it means?" I asked. I thought maybe he was coming to get her since many dying people report seeing dead people who perhaps are coming as escorts. "I don't know. Maybe he wants me to know he is okay". This whole thing is weird but who knows? One thing I do know is that my dad didn't do many thoughtful things for my mom while he was alive, and I suppose...

It rained for the first time in 26 years on Saturday when I ran the St. George Marathon. It was my departed running buddy Bob's fault, I am sure. This was only the second time in 32 years that it rained and it was the first time in my 14 years of running it. I had told Bob to give me some kind of sign to let me know he was there. I am sure the rain was his doing. It rained the morning he died and it rained on all of us in 2007 when we did the Boston marathon with him in his earlier stages of Lou Gehrigs where his voice worked although it was softer and his arms worked but his lungs weren't the best. His disease was slowly eating up all of his muscles, but we finished. I think he knew I would like the run in the rain anyway. After all it was St. George - my favorite marathon of all. Anyone can run when it is sunny and beautiful. And as my spouse says, I may not remember any of the other 13 St. Georges I have done, but I will remember this one. I met Suzanne at 4:45 AM by the co...

...but death is so damn final. It was weird not visiting Bob and Deb on Saturday like I usually do. I didn't get to tell Bob about the 21 miler that Suzanne, Paula and I did the day after we said goodbye to him, or how I found a shotgun in a case in the school parking lot while I waited for Paula and Suzanne. I called the police and while they were grateful that I called them so some kid didn't find the gun, they were irritated that I had touched the butt of the gun and even more irritated when I said I should have known better cause I watched CSI reruns. That same run, we saw a bride to be standing on a rock in her front yard - no one was taking pictures...she was just standing there. All of these things I would have told Bob, as well as how an old guy last week told us we were breaking the law. "Did you know you are breaking the law?" he said as his car slowed down. "How so" we asked, thinking he was going to be one of those cranky old farts who was mad at...

My friend Bob died on Monday, the 22nd, just the way he had planned. His funeral was today. I spoke at it and my talk is below. What a shitty disease ALS is. The picture is of him getting his medal at the finish line in Boston in April 2007. What a marathon my friend Bob ran these past few years! And what a privilege to have been part of his final marathon. The first time I met him was when he was running his first half marathon with Tom Loken. He quickly became part of our running group. On Saturdays, we ran anywhere from 6-20 miles. We trained together for Bob’s first marathon – the Salt Lake Marathon. Over the many miles, we talked about our families, how we could run better and faster, kids, just about everything –except horses. Bob loved his family, was proud of his kids. I always described him as someone who emanated kindness. To me, he was “Sun News Bob” because of his email address but also because he was always positive – with that great sense of humor that even ALS didn’t tak...

....said my little girl at about age 18 months (and 30 years old today) as she watched her grandma who was visiting us get out of the shower. Happy birthday sweet sis! How did this happen to both of us? I am not old enough to have a child of 30! Thirty years ago Bruce and I were at the hospital trying to have our first child. We didn't know if we were having a boy or a girl because ultrasounds were not commonly done in those days. We went to the hospital early the night before Kseniya was born and were sent home because they figured I wasn't ready. The doctor said to go home and drink some beer and he gave me a sleeping pill. Bruce has already given me an enema...we were the yuppie parents of that time who did not want to have an enema in the hospital. Now no woman has to suffer the indignity of her husband giving her an enema or even having one in the hospital. We were sent home two more times and the third time they kept us. I told Bruce I would not go home again without a b...

Last week I ran a half marathon that started up in the canyon, at 7 Am. I have done this run a few times before. The first time I ran it was the first time I met my friend bob, who will die on September 22nd. He didn't have ALS then and probably it was the last thing on his mind as he completed his first 1/2 marathon which really started his running career. I thought of this as I ran my first 6 miles up hill - up the back of Emigration canyon on a beautiful soon to be fall day. My friend Suzanne and I were going to run together but she is faster up hill than I am. I am faster going down. I watched Suzanne run effortlessly up the hill (or so it seemed). She is tall and slender to my short, kinda slender, but stubby self. I am not putting myself down, I know I look pretty okay for an "older woman", but I am what I am or at least I guess I am how I see myself. I always have admired her running outfits and a time or two I bought tops like hers only to try them on and be force...

This morning when I put my running shoes on, they felt all soft and lumpy. Taking off my right shoe, I smiled when I found some Seaside sand from our finish of the Hood To Coast Relay last weekend....the second one for me and also for Bruce, who drove the van both years - a hard job because he can't relax and he is a good sport about it. The Hood to Coast has about 1000 vans with 6 runners per van - that's a lot of vans and a lot of runners. The one picture here is me just before my first leg on a bike path in downtown Portland at 11 PM or so. The other is of our team at Mt. Hood, getting ready to send our first runner down the hill. What an experience! How lucky can you be, at 54 and almost 55, to be able to run 15+ miles in a 24 hour period with no sleep? And do 8.5 minute miles besides? Life is good for sure. I know it isn't all about luck cause I work hard to keep running. The luck part is probably in having my dad's good strong Finnish genes and a lot of SISU . I a...

I discovered my nurse face when I was a nurses aide in a small 22 bed hospital some 34 years ago. I first used it when I was asked to change a dressing on a woman who I knew...the mother in law of a lady I babysat for. She had had abdominal surgery and had an open wound that was oozing fecal material (poop, in plain English). It smelled horrible and none of the "real nurses" wanted to be bothered with it so they sent me, the lowly aide in nursing school, to do it. I remember looking at this woman who watched me carefully to see if I would show any revulsion. I decided then and there, to do whatever I had to do, but I would not gag or let her see any signs of how I was feeling (nauseated, horrified, and sorry for her all at the same time)- to allow her to keep her dignity and feel like a human being rather than a woman with poop coming out of her side. I don't know what we talked about but I cleaned it, redressed it, and cleaned her up. We sat and talked for a while and I ...

I think we should practice the art of simmering more often. Simmering is a rule I have about writing. A person should never, ever just write something up and consider it done after the first draft. It should simmer overnight, and maybe longer if, when you taste it, it needs more salt, or is still kind of tough. Don't let it boil or turn the heat up too much. Let it simmer. And if it needs to, let it simmer for several days. Ask someone else to taste it and then consider following their suggestions for making it tastier. Or....if it doesn't taste write (ha ha) just toss it and start it all over. This seems like good advice for life in general. We should let our emotions simmer before putting them on a nice plate and serving them up to the unsuspecting folks who are expected to clean their plates. Decisions should simmer too...what's the hurry anyway? We all eat too much and the portions are too large and we are getting fat with too many unexpressed and over expres...

Happy 58th to my sweet spouse of lo these many years. Seems like yesterday that we walked down the hill together from work and you asked me to go for a bike ride. I borrowed a "balloon tire bomber" from my friend. I thought our ride would be just around the neighborhood. I didn't know you had 35 miles up in Ogden on your mind! That was the beginning of my developing some good habits, including exercise and also wearing a seat belt. You insisted that I wear one in your little BMW - I can't believe that I didn't used to think it necessary! So the rest is history. Our bike ride turned into several more, me getting a new bike (which unfortunately sits in our garage, unused (but so does yours). We moved in together when it wasn't as acceptable to do so as it is now. Then we got married after a year of "living in sin". Your mother was disappointed even though she thought I had "pretty hair and a nice smile". My mom just said it gave her "a ...

"Ilo" is the Finnish word for joy - it is one of the few words in Finn that doesn't have several double vowels and about 20 letters. I like it because it is short, just like the English word. It is a little word, but it is meaningful. Many people look for joy or happiness and never find it, mostly because they expect it to find them, or for someone else to give it to them. Some people have too much to do to take time for simple things that would bring them joy. "Don't postpone joy" a bumper sticker I saw read. I think this is good advice. The ladies in the picture above were at a Finnish music festival that I went to in Covington, Michigan a few weeks ago. The one in the purple sweatshirt is Bertha and seemed to be the spokesperson of the group. The one in the dress is Suzy. She had a difficult time walking and an even harder time hearing. The three other ladies held on to her as they made their way to a picnic table in front of me, my sister, Kseniya and S...

I have been visiting my small home town in Northern Michigan, where everything that is going to happen on any given day has to happen after Jan Tucker. Jan Tucker has had a radio show every weekday since I was a little kid. It is on from 09 to 1030 or so and I think everyone in my town and the surrounding area goes on hold till they find out who is in jail, who died and what the recipe of the day will be. And, if you call her, she will wish anyone you want a happy birthday on the air. If your name is announced, you can pick up a coupon good for $5 at Syl's , which is a restaurant one town over. "Turn down your radio" Jan always has to tell people when they call her. They always forget but she reminds them. My mother has one of the morning shows on TV and she puts that on mute, and listens to Jan Tucker on full blast. Jan knows everything, from the weather to all the current events. I like that this show continues because it might be the only thing that gets people to list...

Today is Danny's 22nd birthday. We talked yesterday and I mentioned that there's really not much to look forward to in Birthdays once you get past 21. He disagreed and mentioned that at 25 you can rent a car and at 35 you can be president. I added, "And at 26, you can't be on my health insurance any longer". Dan was our only summer baby. He was the smallest at 6lbs 3 oz,and was delivered by the now dead doc who I mentioned in an earlier blog. He was a surprise but so were the other two. It is amazing to think that if we had planned (can people really do that) any of our kids, they would all be totally different. I remember the day I found out I was pregnant. It was about 4 days before Bruce's vasectomy. I was happy even though I was surprised, and I cried. For some reason, I saw one more kid in the future for us, even though we took preventive measures. I swear it was his Mormon relatives who stayed with us - I think they poked holes in my diagphagm. If they ...