the day after

On the day after Christmas, it snowed most of the morning. The kids went skiing. Jack and I decided to go for a run to enjoy the snow and also to go over my guilt for gifts unpurchased, cards unsent, and cookies unmade for the neighbors along with a slight sadness that always happens on the day after Christmas because it is over. That is why running is good - most of these things can be worked out and all the Christmas weight (figuratively and literally) can be lifted in 5 miles.

(Caption for the first two pictures, since I don't know how to put it under the picture - The first one is the "S" curve which is a pretty part of my usual 5 or so mile run. The second picture below is Jack the dog, my faithful confidant and running buddy. He loves the snow and is always willing to go out. He is 9 years old but you wouldn't know it).

I am sure that damn Jennifer would have had all the rescued yarn scarves and even a sweater knitted for each of her perfect children as well as having made them matching red velveteen outfits to wear for church on Christmas Eve....which brings up a funny image of my own kids, grown up as they are, dressed in red velveteen outfits! Jennifer would have also made cookies for all the neighbors and shut ins and also cooked a fabulous dinner for her family. Screw that bitch who lives in my brain as all the things I can't be. She probably has fat hips and couldn't run a mile if her life depended on it!

(this picture is my kids on Christmas morning -They get new Jammie's still every Christmas Eve and I make them pose for a picture - presumably to use on a Christmas card the following year - ha!)

On a day after Christmas run there is time to think of many things other than guilt...things like how I miss my dad. When he was a drinker he would get drunk on Christmas Eve with the many friends who came to visit us (but didn't visit after he quit drinking) and then we would find him asleep in front of the fake cardboard fireplace in the morning. In his later years, he and my brother would go to church together on Christmas eve, my brother reeking of alcohol (not unlike my family when we go to church at 11 pm on Christmas Eve - the only time I can get my kids to go with me). I miss my friend Bob too and I think of him as I trudge through the snow. I think of the Christmas ornament hanging on my tree that he gave me a few years ago. I think of my Grandma Maxfield, dead for many years. I can remember her Christmas dinners. I feel bad for my own mom, mostly alone at Christmas.

I remember the smell of new dolls that I would get - Betsy Wetsy, Thumbelina, Chatty Baby to name a few. When my mom did not have money for Christmas, my sister saved her money to make sure that my brother and I always had what we wanted. Funny how I never realized that we were poor. I don't remember ever going without. I never once grew up without a white Christmas and I never want to spend any time where there is no snow.

As I finish up on the run, made harder but more rewarding by the unplowed roads and the snow dressing up the trees, I realize that life is a series of events that rotate around us. If we are lucky we will enjoy many of them. If we are lucky we have people who love us no matter how many mistakes we make, how much champagne we drink or what we forget to buy for Christmas.