run on sentences

So it is 5 weeks of not running so far. Jack the dog looks at me every morning to see if I am going to pick up the crutches and hobble to the bathroom. He then sighs and goes to lay back down. I notice my fabulous calf muscles turning to mush, like my brain. Despite knowing how lucky I am, I find myself reduced to tears easily - I don't have the running therapy but maybe it is also because it is almost a year since my mom died and I am gripped with the grief that sneaks up on me when I least expect it....like when I have to go talk to my boss. I noticed that invalid is also in-valid. Hmm. Just like if you take the word therapist apart - you come out with "the rapist". The rapist of the mind is maybe a good definition of a therapist but invalid is not such a good term for one with a broken leg. I still feel valid. I still need validation. But mostly I just need to go for a good long run to start feeling like a human again and to be able to deal with the er in February and ...

My friend Sid (84 years old), which is not really important but inspirational and also the same age within one week, that my dad would have been if he had not up and died at 81, brought me over a book called "The right to Write". The first thing it suggested was to just write three pages from where you are at the time and to not worry about if it made sense or if it was (were) grammatically correct. So where I am is sitting here with a fractured fibula, slowly mending, with 7 screws (typically 6 but one more for good measure) and a plate, stitches out, mild infection for which I am taking Keflex (when I remember) after having watched 4 episodes of "Lost". I am wondering if I should take a lortab before bed because my leg is starting to hurt just a little bit. I have a new scooter. I got a scooter to scoot around on at work but it is too big. Since, when you are injured, people do nice things for you like send you a bunch of cards, flowers, prayer shawls, food...

It started out as the usual 5:40 Am run. Jack and I headed out the door to greet Becky, who had just pulled up. As we walked down the driveway, I was amazed at how warm it felt. I didn't anticipate the patch of ice at the end of the driveway, nor did my right fibula. I went down, thinking "oh shit!" My right foot hyper extended and I heard/felt popping, pinging and other not so good things to hear/feel inside one's ankle. I fell on my back with my foot bent at a not anatomically good angle under me. I sat up and repeated several times "Son of a bitch!" My dad would have added "Cocksucker" like he did when he would be all settled in his recliner and realize he forgot to put his false teeth in. I could hear my mom saying "Jesus Christ Donna, I told you that you are too old to be running!" Becky got out the car. Her nose was bleeding for some reason. She helped me hobble back into the house - a fine pair we made, her dripping blood, me ho...

My sister and I were texting each other tonight (after already having had our evening chat and the signing off "I love you" that we have been doing ever since our mom died 10 months ago and isn't here to tell us that). We ended our conversation discussing the possibility of Scarlett and Bill having twins. Barb was pretty sure that there were twins on both sides of our family. We knew Grandpa Ojanen had a twin brother and she was sure that there were some on my mom's side, but she just couldn't remember. We hung up frustrated because we couldn't even ask anyone. Barb's first text said "Aunt Lucille and Uncle Jack?" (my mom's mom's siblings). "They were twins?" I asked. I remembered that they did look alike....what I could remember of them. They both had what we call the Maxfield eyes - eyes that always make you look half awake and in need of eyelid lifting surgery. "I think so" she responded. "I would have had twin...

There's always things that are good despite the bad air, economy, people and life's disappointments. I decided to focus on them - at least at this moment. Here's a few on my list: 1. Finding your car's gas tank full in the morning. 2. Pulling up to the coffee drive up for some yuppie coffee and having just what I wanted handed to me with a good wish for the day - without my even asking. 3. Remembering a morning conversation with my mom - and not tearing up - at least not too much. 4. Nurses going home from work as I am walking in - they whistle as they pull out their cell phones to call loved ones. Some smile at me and say "Hi Donna". They are know they are privileged to take care of other people's kids. Or maybe they are just happy to be going home. 5. A friend giving me a new hand made coffee cup, just cause I liked his a few months ago. I didn't even remember liking it. 6. Cookies from a former employee and a note saying how much she appreciated us...

Two mornings ago I woke up at 5 am to run. I let Jack out to pee and when he came in, he was covered with snow. After I dried him a bit, he looked at me and went back to the bedroom. He's never done that before. I decided to be a wimp too. So I sat down with my coffee and turned on the tree lights. I decided to sip and ponder the remains of this Christmas. The camera was sitting beside me so I took this picture of the tree too. Not much left under the tree - well except my Bosu ball given to me by the boys and Scarlett. How cool is it that at 56 I get a balance ball to develop my core and improve my running? They haven't given up on me yet so I guess I won't either and it will become one of my New Year's resolutions to work out on it at least twice a week...along with weights. The tree will come down on January 2nd. It is losing some needles but not too badly. I will savor it until the very end when it is awaiting pickup to be turned into mulch and give back to the lan...

Yup, I have neglected my writings. I am surprised at the people, few that they may be, that noticed. I am sitting here thinking a bunch of things in no particular order. Tomorrow is Christmas Eve. I didn't have to buy any gifts for my departed mom (or my dad) who comes to me silently in dreams - like last night when I heard her cry out and I ran in to see what was wrong and she was lying on the floor with her shirt open, waiting for me to start CPR. I woke up before I even checked for a pulse. I guess she came down a few days ago to get one of her good friends and escort her to the place she is...hopefully it is a good place but none of us know even though many people think they know. The tree is up. The kids are home - or at least two of them. Billy is at a family reunion with Scarlett which is where he should be. How lucky I am to have had my kids home with me every Christmas. Kseniya missed one and this is Bill's first missed one. Some Christmas cards have been sent - and s...