the dregs of Christmas and 2009

Two mornings ago I woke up at 5 am to run. I let Jack out to pee and when he came in, he was covered with snow. After I dried him a bit, he looked at me and went back to the bedroom. He's never done that before. I decided to be a wimp too. So I sat down with my coffee and turned on the tree lights. I decided to sip and ponder the remains of this Christmas. The camera was sitting beside me so I took this picture of the tree too.

Not much left under the tree - well except my Bosu ball given to me by the boys and Scarlett. How cool is it that at 56 I get a balance ball to develop my core and improve my running? They haven't given up on me yet so I guess I won't either and it will become one of my New Year's resolutions to work out on it at least twice a week...along with weights.

The tree will come down on January 2nd. It is losing some needles but not too badly. I will savor it until the very end when it is awaiting pickup to be turned into mulch and give back to the land that it was wrenched from.

I sit, watch it snow, and ponder the year. Not such a good one - but some people have it a lot worse as I was brought up to say and believe. I lost my mom in March and it was hanging over me this season - not getting her presents, not calling her- it hung over Barbara Jean and Ray too. I don't think I gave Christmas my best effort this year, but hopefully no one noticed but me.

During the Christmas week when life seems suspended and everyone is nice and work isn't so demanding, I just want to hang on to stuff I know I can't keep. How come we can't be nice all year and have a moratorium on trying to blow up airplanes and finding new ways to kill each other?

I realize that I hate change even though I am preaching to everyone at work that we have to accept it. I don't like it. I want to keep all my kids under one roof even though it isn't possible. I don't want people to die and I want the dead ones back. Thankfully, I realize these are irrational thoughts. I buy my grown up kids new PJ's and make them sit under the tree so I can take pictures. I feel so lucky when all of them are under the same roof for a while. I wonder if I will be buying them all new PJ's when they are in their 60's?

I think about New Year's resolutions. One year I made a resolution not to make any more resolutions but I think of them anyway. I will shop earlier and knit things for everyone - maybe sweaters. I won't spend so much. I will pay off my one remaining credit card bills. I will run better and lift weights more. Maybe it's better to resolve not to resolve.

There are many good things to focus on this year. I will spend the dregs of Christmas focusing on them and then get in the cleaning/organizing mode and move on into 2010. And tomorrow I will run.