run on sentences

Last week I decided at the last minute to complete a 3/4 complete shawl for my future daughter in law, Scarlett, who will make me a grandma (with my son Billy's help) in a few weeks. I belong to a group that knits prayer shawls for people that need comforting and have thus far, only contributed one to church people for whom they are intended. One completed shawl went to my sweet father in law and one, knitted from my mom's old yarns, went to her. When she died, it went to my sister. (This is the last picture I have of me, my mom, and my daughter). I had decided to make one with my mom's old yarn and give it away to some deserving and needing person, who was not related to me. But then we bought Scarlett and Bill a rocking chair and as I ran last Saturday, I thought how nice that multicolored shawl, made of yarn from a now not existing Ben Franklin store ($1.69 per skein, back in the day) would look on the back of that Rocking Chair. So I came home from a great 8 mi...

"When a person thinks of a 56 year old woman, they usually don't think of someone who looks as good as you", my sweet spouse since I was way less than these years said to me one day. I thought it was a pretty nice thing to say except it did remind me that I am, indeed, a 56 year old woman (and almost 57). When I was in my 20's, I could not imagine being 50 anything. That was old. I did not appreciate my smooth unsaggy skin or my flat (well sort of) stomach. Of course, like most woman, I wanted to lose 5 more pounds....just 5 more and I would feel perfect. My mom was in her 50's when her first grandchild, my sweet daughter was born. I thought she was old and certainly grandma material. Now I am there - and about to be a grandma but inside I feel young. The wrapping paper has just gotten a little, well, crinkly. Can any of us ever appreciate how good we look wearing this very moment? I think not. Why is it that women, myself included, always find fault with ever...

There are people who make a difference to others without knowing it. Many of them are not rich, famous, or involved in work that others might consider meaningful. It isn't the work they do, but how they go about doing their job. We have had a housekeeper at work who is Chinese. Her last day was Friday and I will miss her. She had to do a lot of menial tasks and probably made minimum wages. But she always had a big bright eyed smile on her face and every time I walked by her, no matter how busy I was, I made a point to say "hi" to her because she made me feel better about life. Her smile made me smile back and slow down a little. I just could not ever walk by her without at least smiling and saying "hi". Sometimes I would stop and chat with her. She always had something nice to say to me "I like your sweater, it is so bright" she would say. Her English wasn't perfect but it was sure way better than my Chinese. I noticed she talked to...

Yeah I know. Some people have it a lot worse. My leg was healing really well until last week. I was back running and thought I was being careful even though I started way before they told me I should. I had made it to 9 miles twice. Then one night it just started hurting. It hurt worse than it did when it was broken. I thought it was from jumping up and down on a bridge over Cottonwood creek when we went out to eat on our anniversary. I thought I had a stress fracture. I went to the doc, fearing that I would need surgery, that I had a few screws loose (pun intended) or that I had in some way messed it up by being a smart ass and thinking I was so tough that my my 56ish self would heal like it did when I was 20. The doc took one look, ignored the swelling and the warmth and redness and said "you just knocked loose some scar tissue". He did an x-ray an sent me on my way -but after mentioning how many people come back and just want drugs. I didn't want drugs. I wanted to be ...

Siggie is like a second mom to me and Barb. She has lived with Barb for more than 30 years. She also makes the best roast beef (beast) I have ever tasted...even better than my own mom's. It is so tender it can be cut with a fork. She usually makes it for me at least once when I am back there. Recently Siggie had a subarachnoid bleed due to an aneurysm. She had a bad headache for three days and was really sleepy. But she would not go to the doctor. She told me it was because she was waiting for the doctor she liked to be available. One of the doctors at that hospital pretty much decided my mom's fatal stroke was just an ear infection. Siggie wasn't ready to die yet so she waited patiently, with blood dripping into her brain and giving her a headache, until the doctor she wanted was there. When she got to the doctor, they evaluated her and gave her blood pressure medicine and told her to come back the next day for a CT scan. She did that and the doctor said he was su...

I am winding down another visit to my hometown where there are less and less living people that I knew growing up; most of them I visit at the cemetery on my morning run. It has been weirdly hot and humid for May here, when a lot of the time the dregs of winter are still hanging around. And apparently it is wood tick season. I found one on my clothes and my brother has had several. In a small town, you can bury your own dead. Barb, Ray and I finally buried my mom's ashes next to my dad's, after a year, where she sat on her dresser - or at least her "cremains" did as they call them. My brother, played Pall Bearer and carried the ashes down to the cemetery (about a mile away), while I ran there. The pretty cemetery is getting decorated for memorial day but no one is there at 8AM so Ray dug a hole, after a little discussion (or familial argument) about where she should go and where exactly we had placed my dad; and we rather unceremoniously placed her ashes there. Our fa...

My sister is very sentimental and her emotions run deeper than a lot of people know...that is why I love her - or at least one of the reasons. Today on mother's day she sent a balloon up to heaven to my mom with a note on it - only she knows what the note said. She emailed me this picture of the balloon on it's way and it made me teary. I actually thought year 2 without a mom on mother's day would be easier and in some ways it is. I thought I was doing really well until, when I was buying something at a store, the clerk said "Are you ready for mother's day?". She was just being nice, but I replied. "I don't have a mom". She looked stricken, so I said "but it is easier this year". She still looked like she needed something else so I said, "I am a mom though!". None of it worked and I bet she will never say that to anyone else. I felt bad for making her feel bad. I didn't mean to. This year all of the mother's day sal...