sure wish I hadn't broken my damn leg
Yeah I know. Some people have it a lot worse. My leg was healing really well until last week. I was back running and thought I was being careful even though I started way before they told me I should. I had made it to 9 miles twice. Then one night it just started hurting. It hurt worse than it did when it was broken. I thought it was from jumping up and down on a bridge over Cottonwood creek when we went out to eat on our anniversary. I thought I had a stress fracture. I went to the doc, fearing that I would need surgery, that I had a few screws loose (pun intended) or that I had in some way messed it up by being a smart ass and thinking I was so tough that my my 56ish self would heal like it did when I was 20.
The doc took one look, ignored the swelling and the warmth and redness and said "you just knocked loose some scar tissue". He did an x-ray an sent me on my way -but after mentioning how many people come back and just want drugs. I didn't want drugs. I wanted to be able to run. I wanted to run without pain, even though I didn't run very often without pain before I broke my leg. "Will I be able to play the Piano, doc?". "Yes". "Great because I couldn't play the piano before!". Old joke. I was so happy that I hadn't messed it up that I forgot to ask about scar tissue and what a person could do for it, how long it would be there, etc. Of course, I googled it and scar tissue might not be a good thing to have. It was depressing so I quit reading. The more you read what might happen the more it might be that you can think it into happening, I have found.
For a few days after the doc visit, it still continued to ache - almost worse than when I broke it My soul scraped the proverbial pits of depression and I told myself I would not run again, I would need to take up cycling, walking, water aerobics, basket weaving, getting fat and flabby and having kankles, etc. Then yesterday it felt better and Jack and I went out and had a good 5 mile run. Just like that.
I started realizing how many things I have done in my life that I do NOT regret. There's a lot of things I wonder about though. Like what would have happened if I had not gone into a leadership job that took me away from the bedside? My heart has always been in taking care of people (yup it sounds so cliche ish!). I didn't ever see myself as a boss and then that is what I became an have been for almost 30 years. I didn't really follow my bliss, but I did what I had to do and it led me down a different path from what I had planned. My mom always said "I thought you were always going to stay being a floor nurse". So did I, Ma. But still, I had a lot of opportunities and so did my family, that I might not have had if I hadn't pushed myself to doing a job I never saw myself doing It's just that many days I feel like I don't make much of a difference. When you take care of patients you get (most of the time) instant gratification because people are happy that you are helping them and you are happy that you can help them. There's still time for me to do something that will give me back that sense of making a difference. I am waiting for the right time and in the meantime (in between time) I will continue to do my best. I think I am pretty good at it - being a boss I mean.
Anyway, I am back on the road and glad that one of my few regrets in life is simply that I broke my damn leg. Some people have it a lot worse and some people have more regrets.
The doc took one look, ignored the swelling and the warmth and redness and said "you just knocked loose some scar tissue". He did an x-ray an sent me on my way -but after mentioning how many people come back and just want drugs. I didn't want drugs. I wanted to be able to run. I wanted to run without pain, even though I didn't run very often without pain before I broke my leg. "Will I be able to play the Piano, doc?". "Yes". "Great because I couldn't play the piano before!". Old joke. I was so happy that I hadn't messed it up that I forgot to ask about scar tissue and what a person could do for it, how long it would be there, etc. Of course, I googled it and scar tissue might not be a good thing to have. It was depressing so I quit reading. The more you read what might happen the more it might be that you can think it into happening, I have found.
For a few days after the doc visit, it still continued to ache - almost worse than when I broke it My soul scraped the proverbial pits of depression and I told myself I would not run again, I would need to take up cycling, walking, water aerobics, basket weaving, getting fat and flabby and having kankles, etc. Then yesterday it felt better and Jack and I went out and had a good 5 mile run. Just like that.
I started realizing how many things I have done in my life that I do NOT regret. There's a lot of things I wonder about though. Like what would have happened if I had not gone into a leadership job that took me away from the bedside? My heart has always been in taking care of people (yup it sounds so cliche ish!). I didn't ever see myself as a boss and then that is what I became an have been for almost 30 years. I didn't really follow my bliss, but I did what I had to do and it led me down a different path from what I had planned. My mom always said "I thought you were always going to stay being a floor nurse". So did I, Ma. But still, I had a lot of opportunities and so did my family, that I might not have had if I hadn't pushed myself to doing a job I never saw myself doing It's just that many days I feel like I don't make much of a difference. When you take care of patients you get (most of the time) instant gratification because people are happy that you are helping them and you are happy that you can help them. There's still time for me to do something that will give me back that sense of making a difference. I am waiting for the right time and in the meantime (in between time) I will continue to do my best. I think I am pretty good at it - being a boss I mean.
Anyway, I am back on the road and glad that one of my few regrets in life is simply that I broke my damn leg. Some people have it a lot worse and some people have more regrets.
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