what I will miss most
My mom died yesterday morning. She had a massive stroke in the cerebral cortex of her brain. She went quickly without complaint and I reluctantly joined the group of adult children without parents. I have felt pretty numb the last few days but feel good that she did not suffer. The beauty of a small town hospital is that you can die around people who know you or you knew their parents. You don't have to die surrounded by people doing stuff to you that will yield more information but in the end you will still die but with a bigger hospital bill. The nurses asked us what we wanted to do. "Make her comfortable" we said.
And they did. My sister and brother were there for most of that night and I was out here thinking about them. In the morning my sister held her cell phone to my unresponsive mom's ear.
"I love you mom. You can go if you want to. You don't have to wait for me" I told her. She died peacefully a few hours later.
A few weeks ago, we had a conversation about dying and I said "If you are going to die, let me know. Don't be like dad and go without waiting for me". She just laughed.
I didn't want to hold her to that agreement.
What I will miss the most is our 8 am and 7 Pm phone calls.
"How are you this morning" I would ask.
"Still kicking" she would say.
When I talked to her at night I would always ask "What did you have for dinner". My sister and Siggie usually cooked her a great meal and she would tell me about it and say "They always give me too much". She was either watching the Lifetime Movie Network or game shows. She loved the show "Big Love" although nothing I could say would ever lead her to believe that all Mormons didn't have several wives.
"Good night ma, I love you" was how I ended the calls.
"I love you more" she would say.
I will always miss hearing her cheerful voice in the morning and in the evening. I know she had a good life and I know it was time. But...it is still hard.
And they did. My sister and brother were there for most of that night and I was out here thinking about them. In the morning my sister held her cell phone to my unresponsive mom's ear.
"I love you mom. You can go if you want to. You don't have to wait for me" I told her. She died peacefully a few hours later.
A few weeks ago, we had a conversation about dying and I said "If you are going to die, let me know. Don't be like dad and go without waiting for me". She just laughed.
I didn't want to hold her to that agreement.
What I will miss the most is our 8 am and 7 Pm phone calls.
"How are you this morning" I would ask.
"Still kicking" she would say.
When I talked to her at night I would always ask "What did you have for dinner". My sister and Siggie usually cooked her a great meal and she would tell me about it and say "They always give me too much". She was either watching the Lifetime Movie Network or game shows. She loved the show "Big Love" although nothing I could say would ever lead her to believe that all Mormons didn't have several wives.
"Good night ma, I love you" was how I ended the calls.
"I love you more" she would say.
I will always miss hearing her cheerful voice in the morning and in the evening. I know she had a good life and I know it was time. But...it is still hard.
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