father's day is never fatherless

For about the last 5 years I have always talked about my fatherless father's day and was sad that I had no living dad to call.  My dad died almost 5 years ago and I have missed him each year on father's day and always - and my mom on mother's day as well.  However, this year, I realized that there is no such thing as a fatherless father's day.  New fathers are always being born and then there are people in our lives who are more than willing to fill in that empty space that is left by those fathers who are no longer here.  Older people like my friend Les and his wife Olive, who have "adopted" me and have no children of their own - and my friend Sid who is exactly the same age as my dad would have been.

While enjoying having my children home this weekend and most of us on father's day, I realized how lucky I was to have kids who get along with each other (even like each other) - and kids that seem to like spending time with their parents.   We had a great father's day, making a frittata, drinking mimosas and bourbon punch and just watching Desmond and his seemingly limitlessness energy.

Auntie Kseniya and Desmond - his hair color looks like hers.

It's neat to look at Desmond and see the hint of so many of us in him.  He has hair almost the color of Kseniya's.  He looks a lot like Billy, his daddy, but he has eyes the color of his mama Scarlett.  Sometimes when I look at Des, I see Scarlett's mom and sometimes I see the little grin of my own dad.  I see myself as a baby when he wrinkles his forehead in a certain way.  Scarlett sees glimpses of her dad.

It is amazing to me to think of all that has been contributed to Desmond from so many people  and how he will carry on for us when we are no longer here.  I wonder what he will become and what he will take from all of us.  Bruce has his dad's sense of humor and optimism.  My kids have their dad's sense of organization, wit, and independence in taking care of themselves.   I have my dad's eyes and a love for old people. All I can hope for him is that he is kind and caring, leads a happy life and finds a way to contribute to the world.

All a person can  really hope is that their children grow up happy and make a difference somehow.  We can't live their lives for them after they grow up and we have to let them go.  But they carry part of us with them forever and will pass that on - either through children of their own or through their good deeds and accomplishments.

Everyone will end up spending father's day without their own father (and mother's day without their moms).  But what they give us lives on without them and this is what we need to celebrate - what we have been given, not what has been taken away.   And we need to pay it forward as we go.