sometimes the hardest runs end up being the best
Today I didn't want to run. I got up plenty early enough but felt nauseous and headachy and besides it was threatening rain or snow outside, not that this usually stops me. I was just looking for an excuse. I have sore shins from running aggressively down Millcreek canyon on Saturday in a 5k race for Colon Cancer. I ran like I was a 16 year old boy or something! The race was 1.5 miles uphill and than 1.5 miles back and I am much better at going down. I passed many of the runners who passed me on the way up - men and women, I might (don't mind if I do) add. It was the first time since my broken leg that I could fly downhill without feeling a weakness in my Achilles tendon. And I was first in my age group. So I was somewhat proud of the shinsplints in a sadistic way.
Jack the dog followed me around the house all morning, looking hopeful. So I said "Okay Jack" give me 30 more minutes. I unenthusiastically got all my stuff together (milk bones, Ipod, gatorade) and his leash and we were out the door. I was sure glad I had worn long pants, and gloves. It was colder and windier than I thought.
Oh yes, the shins complained to me of the pain and suffering that I inflicted on Saturday. I took it slow and they quieted down a bit and then shut up and we settled into a run with no expectations other than to get 'er done. I saw no one else out running - but a few walkers. I was "free associating" in my head - whatever came in was pondered, rejected or expanded upon. I started organizing what I would say at Velda's funeral on Wednesday. I usually have a hard time being in "in the moment" - usually if I am there it is by accident - and I am happy to realize I am actually doing it. I didn't really think much about my shins or that I didn't feel all that great - my mind wondered noticing all the black garbage cans and blue recycled garbage cans lined up and down the streets like people waiting for a bus. I noticed some houses had 3 recycling bins and 2 regular bins and wondered how they had so much "stuff" that they needed that many garbage cans. It was good that they were recycling though. I let Jack sniff and pee wherever he wanted and talked to him about the impending rain or snow and the wind - he just looked at me and seemed to just be happy we were out there - he could care less about the weather. We both ignored the light snow when it started falling but it did add a nice touch to the run.
I didn't try to figure out what I was going to be when I grew up - what my second career would be - and I didn't feel regretful about not having my first career that I had for 35 years. I didn't have any worries or anxiety. Instead I wondered where one of the dogs who lived by the post office had moved to. I hadn't seen him in a while nor heard his greeting and then I noticed a "For sale" sign at his house. I was amazed at the number of people who eat at Taco Bell or Kentucky Fried Chicken over their lunch hour. I wondered how often a person has to scrub a kitchen floor and realized that I got what I wished for when I often told Bruce I wanted to be able to stay home and do laundry. I thought it weird that a person was walking her dog while talking on her cell phone. I also noticed I don't pick my knees up much when I run. For most of the run I just put one foot in front of the other and repeated till I got home. I was just out there with no expectations. My Ipod played good music, on shuffle it seems to favor Johnny Cash and Finnish songs. I made the decision that now, my main job was to stay healthy.
By the time we got home it was snowing hard. I got in the house gave Jack his milk bone and turned on the fireplace. My dad's ashes would really get stirred up if he realized that I just flipped a switch to get a fire.
This run wasn't my best effort but it was not my worse either. It ended up way better and more satisfying than I thought - maybe because I just let it happen and had no expectations. Sometimes you gotta run when you least want to. Just like sometimes you have to hug people when they least deserve it.
Jack the dog followed me around the house all morning, looking hopeful. So I said "Okay Jack" give me 30 more minutes. I unenthusiastically got all my stuff together (milk bones, Ipod, gatorade) and his leash and we were out the door. I was sure glad I had worn long pants, and gloves. It was colder and windier than I thought.
Oh yes, the shins complained to me of the pain and suffering that I inflicted on Saturday. I took it slow and they quieted down a bit and then shut up and we settled into a run with no expectations other than to get 'er done. I saw no one else out running - but a few walkers. I was "free associating" in my head - whatever came in was pondered, rejected or expanded upon. I started organizing what I would say at Velda's funeral on Wednesday. I usually have a hard time being in "in the moment" - usually if I am there it is by accident - and I am happy to realize I am actually doing it. I didn't really think much about my shins or that I didn't feel all that great - my mind wondered noticing all the black garbage cans and blue recycled garbage cans lined up and down the streets like people waiting for a bus. I noticed some houses had 3 recycling bins and 2 regular bins and wondered how they had so much "stuff" that they needed that many garbage cans. It was good that they were recycling though. I let Jack sniff and pee wherever he wanted and talked to him about the impending rain or snow and the wind - he just looked at me and seemed to just be happy we were out there - he could care less about the weather. We both ignored the light snow when it started falling but it did add a nice touch to the run.
I didn't try to figure out what I was going to be when I grew up - what my second career would be - and I didn't feel regretful about not having my first career that I had for 35 years. I didn't have any worries or anxiety. Instead I wondered where one of the dogs who lived by the post office had moved to. I hadn't seen him in a while nor heard his greeting and then I noticed a "For sale" sign at his house. I was amazed at the number of people who eat at Taco Bell or Kentucky Fried Chicken over their lunch hour. I wondered how often a person has to scrub a kitchen floor and realized that I got what I wished for when I often told Bruce I wanted to be able to stay home and do laundry. I thought it weird that a person was walking her dog while talking on her cell phone. I also noticed I don't pick my knees up much when I run. For most of the run I just put one foot in front of the other and repeated till I got home. I was just out there with no expectations. My Ipod played good music, on shuffle it seems to favor Johnny Cash and Finnish songs. I made the decision that now, my main job was to stay healthy.
By the time we got home it was snowing hard. I got in the house gave Jack his milk bone and turned on the fireplace. My dad's ashes would really get stirred up if he realized that I just flipped a switch to get a fire.
This run wasn't my best effort but it was not my worse either. It ended up way better and more satisfying than I thought - maybe because I just let it happen and had no expectations. Sometimes you gotta run when you least want to. Just like sometimes you have to hug people when they least deserve it.
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