conversations with my clothes
I guess I was a little grumpy this am. I didn't run cause I was sore from my 20 miler on Saturday. I didn't get my clothes ready the night before so I suppose that is what set them off. It started when I looked in the closet and said "All right, who's coming to work with me today?"
"You don't want to wear me." a summery skirt from Ann Taylor Loft said. "You know I was just an impulse buy to wear to a wedding. Besides, you should have gotten a size 6!", the skirt taunted. "Your apron shows unless you want to wear a long shirt and then you will look frumpy. How about a girdle? Or some of those spanxx things?"
"They didn't have a size 6!" I retorted back angrily, but knowing that the skirt was right. I really needed a 6. It was a cheap panic buy cause I thought I needed something new.
"Don't look at me" said a pair of gray Gap pants. "I make you feel like your butt looks big!".
"Not me" said the Khaki colored cargo capris. "Think of that new word you learned - Camel toe?" Then I remembered that the crotch in those pants was kinda high.
"I bet her friend Jennifer would never have camel toe" I heard the capris whisper to the gray pants". They both snickered. Damn how did they know about my imaginary friend Jennifer?
A white shirt snidely said "Your back fat and rolls will show and no one wants to see 55 year old wrinkled cleavage. Take a turtleneck instead".
I pulled out a bright flowery cardigan. "Did you know your staff thinks that I make you look like an old lady?" it said sarcastically. "What is next for you, Koret? Pretty soon you will be wearing shirts with collars that match the elastic waist pants. Reluctantly I put the sweater back next to the tan skirt I was going to wear with it. The skirt was silent - it always stuck up for me cause it knows I have nice legs.
On an on it went. I ironed stuff, tried them on, and they rejected me. "You better go on that flat belly diet for real instead of just talking about it" another pair of high crotched capris said". "You are not 24 years old anymore" another shirt pointed out. "Maybe you should wear your sweat pants". "How about me?" my green scrubs said. "Be a real nurse today".
I was about to give up and stay home but I heard a small voice in the back of the closet say, "Hey, I will come with you". It was my trusty $14.00 nice tan pants that I got in Carlisle at TJ Maxx. "Your butt looks cute in me".
A hooded shirt, a deal from Steinmart, offered to come too. "Don't listen to those other J. Crew snobs" it said kindly. "Always trust your old standbys". I am bright and a little gaudy, but at least I will cheer you up".
I feared an argument from my shoes, but since I have so many of them, they fought over who would come. No matter what, shoes never make you look fat or skinny and my toe cleavage is not wrinkly.
Yeah I know, I worry about my sanity too, on some days. But I laughed about this conversation all day at work.
"You don't want to wear me." a summery skirt from Ann Taylor Loft said. "You know I was just an impulse buy to wear to a wedding. Besides, you should have gotten a size 6!", the skirt taunted. "Your apron shows unless you want to wear a long shirt and then you will look frumpy. How about a girdle? Or some of those spanxx things?"
"They didn't have a size 6!" I retorted back angrily, but knowing that the skirt was right. I really needed a 6. It was a cheap panic buy cause I thought I needed something new.
"Don't look at me" said a pair of gray Gap pants. "I make you feel like your butt looks big!".
"Not me" said the Khaki colored cargo capris. "Think of that new word you learned - Camel toe?" Then I remembered that the crotch in those pants was kinda high.
"I bet her friend Jennifer would never have camel toe" I heard the capris whisper to the gray pants". They both snickered. Damn how did they know about my imaginary friend Jennifer?
A white shirt snidely said "Your back fat and rolls will show and no one wants to see 55 year old wrinkled cleavage. Take a turtleneck instead".
I pulled out a bright flowery cardigan. "Did you know your staff thinks that I make you look like an old lady?" it said sarcastically. "What is next for you, Koret? Pretty soon you will be wearing shirts with collars that match the elastic waist pants. Reluctantly I put the sweater back next to the tan skirt I was going to wear with it. The skirt was silent - it always stuck up for me cause it knows I have nice legs.
On an on it went. I ironed stuff, tried them on, and they rejected me. "You better go on that flat belly diet for real instead of just talking about it" another pair of high crotched capris said". "You are not 24 years old anymore" another shirt pointed out. "Maybe you should wear your sweat pants". "How about me?" my green scrubs said. "Be a real nurse today".
I was about to give up and stay home but I heard a small voice in the back of the closet say, "Hey, I will come with you". It was my trusty $14.00 nice tan pants that I got in Carlisle at TJ Maxx. "Your butt looks cute in me".
A hooded shirt, a deal from Steinmart, offered to come too. "Don't listen to those other J. Crew snobs" it said kindly. "Always trust your old standbys". I am bright and a little gaudy, but at least I will cheer you up".
I feared an argument from my shoes, but since I have so many of them, they fought over who would come. No matter what, shoes never make you look fat or skinny and my toe cleavage is not wrinkly.
Yeah I know, I worry about my sanity too, on some days. But I laughed about this conversation all day at work.
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