distant relatives with secrets
This weekend I was in Chicago editing a second edition of a textbook my friend and I had done several years ago. My mom wanted me to call her cousin, who I hadn't seen in 40 years or so. My parents have always wanted me to call or visit old relatives - probably why I like old people and old relatives. I knew it would make my mom happy, so I called him.
As it turned out, he was only 7 miles away from where I was, but I didn't have time to see him. He is 87 and lives alone. My mom had already told him I was going to call so I couldn't even surprise him.
I was touched with how glad he was to talk to me. Maybe it wasn't just me, but someone to talk to. When he was a little boy, his dad remarried after his mom died, and the new wife did not want him, so he was given to his grandma (my mom's grandma too) to raise. That seems a pretty cruel thing to do to a kid. What woman (or man) is worth giving up your kid for.
Anyway he talked about old times and relatives. He told me about my sister sending him homemade jam and how he liked talking to my mom after the Chicago Cubs games. He told me that his daughter doesn't talk to him at all any more and he sees his son once per month.
"We had some hard times", he said sadly. "She doesn't want much to do with me any more".
I didn't ask him why. I just said "Well I hope that she will want to see you someday soon. I sure miss my dad and really am glad I got to spend so much time with him". Maybe someday she will forgive or forget whatever it was that she is mad at you for.
"Sometimes you can forgive, but you can't forget" he said sadly.
We talked for a while about "the good old days". "Nothing is like it used to be", he said. His voice was strong for a 87 year old. " But, I still have a full head of hair".
He told me how he had saved the Christmas card I sent him and how he takes all of his cards out from time to time to read them again. "I wish I could get back to Michigan again, but my arthritis is so bad". I promised the next time I was in Chicago I would come and see him. His birthday is Wednesday and he will spend it alone with his memories of how it used to be. Maybe he will think about his kids.
I think a lot of old people have secrets that they will take with them. Maybe they are too painful to share. Maybe someday his daughter will be sad she didn't spend more time with him, but maybe not. In the meantime a lonely old man will celebrate his birthday alone except for the phone call from my mother.
Life is too short - but perhaps his secret is too painful to be forgiven or forgot. I don't know. But I do want to talk to him again someday - not about his secret but about the "good old days".
As it turned out, he was only 7 miles away from where I was, but I didn't have time to see him. He is 87 and lives alone. My mom had already told him I was going to call so I couldn't even surprise him.
I was touched with how glad he was to talk to me. Maybe it wasn't just me, but someone to talk to. When he was a little boy, his dad remarried after his mom died, and the new wife did not want him, so he was given to his grandma (my mom's grandma too) to raise. That seems a pretty cruel thing to do to a kid. What woman (or man) is worth giving up your kid for.
Anyway he talked about old times and relatives. He told me about my sister sending him homemade jam and how he liked talking to my mom after the Chicago Cubs games. He told me that his daughter doesn't talk to him at all any more and he sees his son once per month.
"We had some hard times", he said sadly. "She doesn't want much to do with me any more".
I didn't ask him why. I just said "Well I hope that she will want to see you someday soon. I sure miss my dad and really am glad I got to spend so much time with him". Maybe someday she will forgive or forget whatever it was that she is mad at you for.
"Sometimes you can forgive, but you can't forget" he said sadly.
We talked for a while about "the good old days". "Nothing is like it used to be", he said. His voice was strong for a 87 year old. " But, I still have a full head of hair".
He told me how he had saved the Christmas card I sent him and how he takes all of his cards out from time to time to read them again. "I wish I could get back to Michigan again, but my arthritis is so bad". I promised the next time I was in Chicago I would come and see him. His birthday is Wednesday and he will spend it alone with his memories of how it used to be. Maybe he will think about his kids.
I think a lot of old people have secrets that they will take with them. Maybe they are too painful to share. Maybe someday his daughter will be sad she didn't spend more time with him, but maybe not. In the meantime a lonely old man will celebrate his birthday alone except for the phone call from my mother.
Life is too short - but perhaps his secret is too painful to be forgiven or forgot. I don't know. But I do want to talk to him again someday - not about his secret but about the "good old days".
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