run on sentences

I had a dream of my grandma Maxfield last night - my mom's mom. Maybe it was spurred on by my mom and I talking that evening about how grandma would be over 100 years old if she had not died in February 1989. I remembered how I was making Valentine's day cookies when my mom called to tell me she died, back in the days when you could send homemade cookies to school with your kids and no one worried that you put razor blades or poison in them. The picture on the left might be the last one I have of her and I. I don't know why I look so cranky but I sure do look tall! Bruce and I were talking last night about old people and how hard it is to see them go or get ready to go. It's sad that both of his parents, now in separate nursing homes, didn't get to grow old longer together, sitting in rocking chairs, he going to coffee every morning and she taking care of him and writing us long letters about the birds she saw sitting outside the kitchen window. In some ways, he ha...

Who thinks up the names of drugs anyway? Tomorrow I will get some propofol aka milk of amnesia, when I get my ear drum repaired. My eardrum keeps exploding on me - this being the second time in two years. Okay so maybe the correct term is "rupture" and it really isn't a big deal in the general scheme of things. It isn't cancer or Lou Gehrig's disease. I don't know why I can't live my life with a hole in my eardrum, but the doc says something about infections seeping into my brain, hearing loss, etc. So...once again I will go have them slice a chunk of the part of my ear called the tragus and glue it to my tattered eardrum, in hopes that it will grow into place and close the hole until I get another cold, and sneeze it out of place. I am lucky to only get a cold every two years. Anyway, general anesthesia is required because if you move when they are fixing it, they will poke a hole in your brain and your brain will leak out. Or something like that. Befor...

This weekend I was in Chicago editing a second edition of a textbook my friend and I had done several years ago. My mom wanted me to call her cousin, who I hadn't seen in 40 years or so. My parents have always wanted me to call or visit old relatives - probably why I like old people and old relatives. I knew it would make my mom happy, so I called him. As it turned out, he was only 7 miles away from where I was, but I didn't have time to see him. He is 87 and lives alone. My mom had already told him I was going to call so I couldn't even surprise him. I was touched with how glad he was to talk to me. Maybe it wasn't just me, but someone to talk to. When he was a little boy, his dad remarried after his mom died, and the new wife did not want him, so he was given to his grandma (my mom's grandma too) to raise. That seems a pretty cruel thing to do to a kid. What woman (or man) is worth giving up your kid for. Anyway he talked about old times and relatives. He...

I did the Austin marathon, number 31 and I was 5th in my new age group - not bad for an old girl. I finished in 4:24 - not my best but not my worst - but it was a beautiful day even if the route was really hard. Lots of hills that never quit. I wore my skirt...and felt like a cheerleader. Being that I have been scarred for life cause I never COULD be a cheerleader (I couldn't do the splits), maybe this will help my psyche a little bit. Running skirts are the new rage and it was quite comfortable although maybe they are meant for younger legs than 55 year old ones -even if mine are damn good! I have a goal to always look sickenly sappily happy at the finish, even if everything below my smiling face hurts - I don't want anyone to look at me and say "See! Running can't be fun....look at how bad that woman looks". I ran by someone who had a sign that said "It takes less muscles to smile" so that confirmed my belief that even if I felt bad, I could at least f...

Tomorrow morning I am headed to Austin, Texas to run the Austin City Marathon on Sunday. It will be my 31st marathon and the first one in a new age group. I feel ready, but I have no idea how I will do. One learns to never project. It is good to be positive, but nothing is guaranteed. One thing I know for sure is that while I am out there for nearly four hours, amongst mostly people I don't know and a few I do, I will be in my element. I can be who I want and I can leave work behind. I won't think of the economy, how my sister doesn't like Obama, and the things I didn't do right when my kids were little. In my mind I will be younger than my years and I will forget all the things that I am not and feel lucky and proud to be what and who I am. I will feel good about doing a lot more on a Sunday morning than many women my age and younger. I can forget all of my insecurities of not measuring up to what I think some people think I should be. I will just let it al...

I found this picture on the left in my dad's dresser drawer after he died. I assume they are some Finnish relatives but I will never know now that my dad and all of his brothers and sisters are gone. I think they are from my dad's father's side of the family. On the back of the picture one of the words was "tati" which means "aunt". The gentleman in the picture looks like my grandpa so maybe it is his dad? Sure wish I knew. My grandpa and grandma (my dad's parents) are in the picture on the right, standing in front of their farmhouse. My Grandpa came over to the US from Finland when he was just 18 years old. My dad said that he got into a big fight with his dad over some wheat, and the fact that his dad was drunk, so he said he was going to America and would never see him again. And that's pretty much what happened. My Grandpa's name was Simon. He had a brother over in Northern Michigan so figured he would come over and see if he could get r...