Blemishes on my once perfect ass

I am not going to go into detail about the title...but it is catchy so I had to use it. I always come up with great titles for books, stories and essays but sometimes that is as far as I get Sometimes the title says it all. I started thinking of the different ways we use the term "ass". In my youth, wimps were called candy asses. Toilet paper was (and still is to my mom and Barbara Jean my sister) ass wipe. Of course, there were smart assess, dumb asses, and the term "your ass will be grass (not meant in the smoking pot sense, I don't think)". We play grab ass, we haul ass and kick some ass. Some people are hauled by asses (as in donkeys) and have made asses of themselves. Some are just plain asses without even trying. My grandma, when she got old and bold would want to tell people "shove it up your ass and if it doesn't fit, fold it".

Then there's the insult of "fat ass". Do these pants make my ass look big? Who ever would give the honest answer to that one? Who would want an honest answer? And why would anyone ask such a stupid question? We have people who kiss ass and those who have their head up theirs. We sometimes say things "back assword". We bet our sweet ass.

I am still waiting for "fierce ass" gatorade to come out. Until then I will drink lemon-lime Gatorade and run and run so my own perfect ass doesn't land on my thighs, ruining the line of demarcation.