My father in law died about two weeks ago. Bruce and I headed to Wisconsin on my birthday and I felt honored to be able to share the day of my birth celebrating my father in law's life. What a great life he lived and what a great example of living he was to all of us. His children, grandchildren, and great grandchildren will carry on with a part of him.
The minister who conducted the funeral was, as she put it, "the minister du jour" and did a less than optimal job of eulogizing him. I bet he would have smiled at her mistakes (such as saying he was born on Christmas day, December 5th) and not wanted his children to exchange looks and shake their heads at her inaccuracies. I thought I should give it a try - eulogizing him. He deserves at least my attempts to describe what he meant to me. I know all of us had different memories of him.
My father in law, William Gilbert Thomas, was born on Christmas Day, December 25th, in 1914, the oldest of several children. I wish I would have asked him more about his growing up years. I know he was always a hard worker. He had a great sense of humor which he passed on to his kids - and his grandkids. He quit school in 8th grade to help out in his father's florist business and despite not finishing school, he was one of the smartest men I knew. He went into the army during WWII and was stationed in New Guinea where he ran into his brother Ervin. Ervin worked in the florist shop "Thomas Floral" with him for many years till they both retired. He married my mother in law, Jeanne on August 28th, 1948, and they were devoted to each other for many years even after she needed to go into an assisted living place because of her Alzheimer's disease. I think he lived in the same town his entire life and was always active in civic affairs and volunteered a lot of his time to many causes. He loved to hunt in his younger years and had many stories of going to the hunting camp.
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| On his wedding day |
The first time I met my father in law, I commented, at breakfast "So, you eat liverwurst on your toast too?" His response "Doesn't everyone?" He always made me feel important and a part of his family and I am pretty sure he was like this to his other daughters in law and son in law. He was loving and fun loving and was always quick with his often humorous responses that sometimes elicited a punch in the arm from his wife along with a certain look or her comment "you better don't!" I admired how he was never judgmental and rarely had a bad word to say about anyone.
He and Jeanne visited us many times to see their grandkids. Bill always needed a project to keep busy. One time he helped Bruce put new cement in our driveway and another time he helped put in a ceiling fan...he needed to keep busy. He was always in a hurry to get back home to his coffee buddies and golf and probably his own routine. He read four newspapers every day and was my resource for the stock market. "Don't change anything", he would tell me. "They will go back up". From what Bruce's brother Dave told me, Bill was very knowledgeable about the markets and made many wise investments over the years. He was a planner and really never left anything for others to do. Once when Bruce and I visited, he took us to the cemetery and showed us the burial plot he had chosen for him and Jeanne. He had the tombstone set up and all that needed to be added were the dates of their deaths Later he told me that his funeral was planned and payed for. "All you kids need to do is pick out the music", he said.
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| On a visit to our house in 1991 |
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| October 1995 at our house |
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| Their last visit here in June 1997 for Kseniya's graduation |
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| One of his many birthdays...and one of the few pictures that his wife did not add the date on the back! Early 1990's I think |
After a life of very hard work, Jeanne and Bill both got to enjoy many years of retirement, traveling, going on cruises and just enjoying each others company. They got to celebrate their 50th wedding anniversary with a big party with family and friends. After Jeanne became ill, he never lamented for what could have been - when anyone said anything like "it is too bad that you and Jeanne could not have had more time to enjoy life" his response usually was "what is, is". He said he was grateful for all the trips they had been able to take together. When someone commented about his age (almost 97 when he died), he said, "Well, I am no longer buying green bananas".
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| At their 50th wedding anniversary |
My father in law, or Grandpa Owl, as my kids called him because Jeanne collected owls and had many throughout the house (and was Grandma Owl to them) loved to shop - his wife did not. I liked wandering the mall with him when they came out. He was always looking for a certain type of blue jeans that he liked. He loved talking to people too. He was a kind man - often driving children to the Shriner's Hospital in Minneapolis and other cities for needed treatment. Everyone seemed to love him. When we would go out to eat at his favorite places, the waitresses would immediately bring him and old fashioned with extra mushrooms and cherries. I think people sensed his grace and acceptance of everyone no matter where he was or who they were.
Grandpa Owl taught me a lot about "for better or for worse". He took over cooking and cleaning as much as he could when Jeanne could no longer do it. It was so hard for him to have to agree that Jeanne needed more care than he could give, but after she wandered off in his pajamas and her bunny slippers and had to be brought home by the police, he understood, I think, that it was necessary. While he was able to, he visited her every single day, sitting next to her when she could no longer even remember who he was. He got to know the ladies that worked there and sometimes pretended to be feeble so he could get one of them to escort him his car. They all loved him too. Some of them came to his funeral.
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| Jeanne and Bill - "for better or worse", 2007 |
I really think his heart was broken when he no longer had Jeanne at home. He played golf for a few more years, and went to coffee with his friends. Often when he called us, another of his friends had died so after a while he quit going for coffee. When we visited him, he took us on tours of the town and showed us the new houses and businesses. He was proud of his town.
Bill really took an interest in my running, often suggesting new routes for me to try when I visited him. I got lost once out in the country and ended up running ten miles by the time I found my way home, but when I told him where I had been he knew exactly where I was. I was always trying to get him to drink more liquids - older people tend to get dehydrated really fast and never drink enough. Once when I got home from running I was drinking gatorade and I asked him if he wanted some. "Only if you put something in it", he said. So we started a tradition of having gatorade with a shot of whiskey in it.
About four years ago, he had a stroke, which made him unable to swallow and he had to be in a nursing home with a feeding tube. We all held out hope that he would get better and come home and join us for an old fashioned at Phil and Eleanors, but that was not to be. I don't think he complained much about being there. It seemed that he retreated further into his mind of "better days" but he was lucid at times and always kept his sense of humor.
My father in law died, just as he lived - not wanting to make any trouble for anyone. I think he decided it was time and left gracefully in his sleep. For some reason, while I was extremely sad at his passing, I was happy for him - it seemed like another accomplishment and another thing he planned just so. I don't think it will be long until he convinces Jeanne to join him. How lucky I was to not only have great parents but a wonderful set of in-laws - and to have had them around for so long.
What is, is, but I sure enjoyed what was. We all did and we all are better people for having him in our lives.
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