frogs in your underpants
A friend of mine has a blog about underpants. You can take a peek at it here. I don't mean to steal her ideas, but it started me thinking about the one defining moment in my life that had anything to do with my underpants or my underwear in general. Of course I also started thinking of other defining moments like how I moved to Utah and why I stayed. That's yet another blog post that I am actually surprised as hell that I haven't written about yet, but the gist of it is that I moved to Utah because my mom said I wouldn’t do it, and also because I read that the world would end in August of 1978, and the safest place to be would be Provo, Utah. The world didn't end and I didn't move to Provo either - I chose Salt Lake City instead.
Okay, here's another one (we aren't to the underpants story yet). When I was 13, I lied about my age so I could get a job as a waitress at Wager’s cafe. I made 75 cents/hour and got fired when I asked for a raise. “You are just like your mother” Anna, the owner of the restaurant said. I never found out what she meant by that, but since then, I have chosen to view it as a complement. Although my mom also worked at this restaurant, I am pretty sure that she never asked for a raise. Working at the restaurant helped me realize what I already knew: that I liked working with people. It wasn’t my most memorable defining moment either since I already knew I wanted to be a nurse since I was four years old. But this experience got me working in a hospital as I found another job in the kitchen in the local hospital. I’m not especially proud that I got fired, but at least I asked for what I thought I deserved. And, my hospital job paid almost twice as much as the restaurant.
And now for the underwear story. This happened to me when I was in kindergarten and only 4 1/2 years old. It is the one that I am most proud of, because it taught me the importance of keeping a person's self esteem intact no matter what the situation. Of course, I didn't realize this was the lesson until years later but it has guided my actions in dealing with people in my role as a department director. You can do just about anything to anyone in any situation (reprimand, fire, etc) and have them thank you for it later, if you do it in a way that allows them to keep their pride and their self esteem.
 |
| Me in kindergarten or at least close to it! |
My Kindergarten class in 1958 consisted of about 12 other children, all who lived in my small town of about 500 people. The school was a wooden building with beautiful hardwood floors. The grade school was downstairs, and the high school was upstairs. There were usually two grades per classroom but the Kindergarten had its own room. My teacher was Mrs. Hokans, and I remember her as being really kind and pretty. She was like the good witch in the Wizard of oz and it probably was her first year of teaching.
As it turns out, she was very wise as well, as her actions (or lack of) probably saved a little girl much embarrassment and maybe prevented me from a lifetime of shame and expensive psychiatric therapy.
This is the story. My class, like most kindergarten classes in those days, did a lot of singing songs and often formed circles to sing or play games. I don’t remember the exact game (maybe ring around a rosy?), but we were in a circle, holding hands, and singing. All was going well for me until I felt something happening beneath my dress - some slippage of my clothing. Since I was holding hands with some other kids in the circle, I couldn't rectify the situation. I looked down and saw my underpants around my ankles - must have been a faulty elastic in the waistband. Remember in “those days” we had to wear dresses and of course, this would never have happened if I were wearing jeans. Anyway, I simply stepped out of those underpants without a word and kept going around in the circle with the other kids. Pretty much I disavowed any knowledge of those sad little white underwear with faulty elastic, on the floor and was able to act as nonchalant about it as a 4 year old could. The underpants stayed on the floor or maybe the teacher removed them. I don’t remember that part of the story. Thankfully Miss Hokans didn’t ask any questions and none of the other kids seemed to notice. I believe that the sweet Miss Hokans picked them up and quietly removed them, saving me the embarrassment and public scorn of my colleagues. I can't help but wonder what my mom thought when I came home without underpants? Or was I smart enough just to find another pair of them?
I guess I remember this because it was a pretty brave thing for a small town girl to do, especially at 4. I am not sure what it means or if it is connected to being flexible, and getting out of a tough spot. Or does it mean I don’t want to take accountability for my actions? I like to think that I learned to make the best of a bad situation. Whatever the meaning, it is clear that defining moments can be good or bad, depending on how we respond to them when they are our moments and also when they are someone else’s.
Over the years I have realized what that teacher did for me. I have thought about it often. It is always good to let someone save face where you can, no matter what you need to do. Take the higher road and you won't be sorry. I believe I was a good leader because above all else in my interactions, I wanted to leave people with their dignity. Sometimes it cost me, but it was always worth it.
I will leave you with that thought and the following poem, which seems appropriate. It was written by some middle aged Norwegian who wishes to remain anonymous:
May the light always find you
On a dreary day
When you need to be home
May you find a way
May you always have courage to take a chance
And never find frogs
In your underpants
Comments