Goodbye Miss T.

Fifty years ago on June 2nd, 1975, I walked about a mile and a half uphill in the avenues of Salt Lake City to my first interview as an RN, at Primary Children's medical center.  I was wearing a lime green pantsuit that my sister had lent me .   It was June and really hot and I wasn't used to the dry heat with no humidity.  It was quite a walk.  I didn't have a car and didn't know the bus system.   The views of the mountains, though were something I hadn't ever seen before.

My nursing graduation picture.  I wore this cap for about 6 months.

I  had impulsively moved to Salt Lake City after my college graduation in Michigan.     Why?  Probably because my mom said I would never move that far from home and my ex boyfriend said he hoped I broke my leg.   Looking back, that was a really brave move for someone like me who had never been west of Minnesota.  

My friends told me that I wouldn't get a job in Utah because I wasn't Mormon, the predominant faith in Utah.  Despite that, I got on a plane and landed and looked at the mountains and thought "what the hell have I done".   I had four interviews lined up for the next week.   There was a nursing shortage at the time so there were plenty of nursing jobs to choose from.

 
I got to the hospital and found the nearest bathroom off the main lobby.  I was hot and sweaty.   I splashed water on my face and went down the hall to the the director of nursing's office.  Her secretary, Pat, led me into the adjoining office of Miss T, the director of nursing.  Miss T was a kind looking, middle aged lady.  I am sure I thought she was older than she was.  She was wearing a pink suit and had perfectly styled short, maybe colored, hair.  She sat behind her  big desk in an bright, immaculate office,  painted baby blue.  The office colors and it's decor seemed to be an extension of Miss T and her wardrobe - and of her personality - cool, calm and professional.   

I don't remember much about the interview other than Miss T took me on a tour of the hospital and convinced me that I needed to work there.   "The children need you, she said, while she pointed to the tiny babies in the nursery.  Those newborns scared me and I had no desire to work there or in the newborn intensive care.    Despite thinking I did NOT want to work in pediatrics,  I canceled all of my other interviews, including the one in the labor and delivery unit at LDS hospital down the street from Primary Children's.  Labor and delivery was where I always thought I wanted to work.  But that was never to be.    

There was something about Primary Children's that made me want to work there.  It was a small hospital and seemed warm and inviting.   Or maybe I thought those children really did need me.  I stayed for 35 years, my entire nursing career.  I ended up staying longer than Miss T.

I started two days later after my interview.  I was assigned to 5-West, the surgical and oncology floor which was also known as the teen floor.  Miss T made rounds most days to make sure we had our caps on, weren't sitting at the desk "nurses are not in charge of desks, they are in charge of patients", she always said.  She made sure to tell us how professional we looked.  We had to wear white nylons and white dresses and caps.    Caps and white dresses, short at the time, were impractical but looking back I know we were treated with more respect than years later when we wore scrubs and it was hard to tell who was a nurse and who was a phlebotomist. 

I loved that job where I got my first "real nurse" experience.   I looked forward to work.  It was a different time where we did primary care.  Each RN was assigned to 4-6 patients and did most everything from baths and making the beds, to giving medications.  We got to really know our small patients and their parents.  Working on an oncology unit was hard.  Pain control wasn't as good then and cancer treatment not as advanced.  Childhood leukemia was often a death sentence and I experienced the death of many children that I cared for.  It was hard and something no nurse ever gets used to.  

Once or twice a week, Miss T. showed up on our floor, dressed in her white uniform, cap and stockings.  Maybe that made her feel like "one of us".  Years later I reflected back on that when I became a manager and realized how lonely it was at times being "the boss."  I too, would dress in scrubs occasionally and even help out but as time went on and I got involved in meetings and other "management tasks" this was not possible.  Now I think Miss T. set that example for me and I wonder if she ever wanted to jump in and help out?  I never saw her do that, but she was respected as the director of nursing.  She went about her job quietly and I wouldn't call her an innovator but she was dedicated  and loyal to the hospital and to the profession of nursing.

Miss T's secretar did the nursing schedules for the entire hospital  There were no computers.  Pat had the power of "pulling us" to another unit if it was short staffed and many of us lived in fear of that.  I remember getting pulled into the PICU (pediatric intensive care unit) on my first or second week of orientation and assigned to a baby with gastroschisis which is when the abdominal organs are outside the body because the abdominal wall doesn't form correctly.  I was scared to death, looking at this baby with its inside organs on the outside.  I don't remember the care that I had to give but Miss T,  appeared once during that shift and encouraged me  I doubt that she would have felt confident caring for this baby either but she knew how to offer support to a scared new grad.   

It was also hard to say "no" when called to fill a sick call need.   Sometimes Miss T made those calls herself and, if you said you couldn't work the extra shift she'd sigh and say "Well who is going to take care of these kids"?  I usually changed my mind and went in.  We didn't get bonus pay then like the nurses do now either.  

I eventually transferred from 5 West to the emergency room.   I was tired of getting to know the patients and then have them die on my night shifts.   Miss T tried to talk me out of leaving.  She wanted me to be a PICU nurse.  Her powers of persuasion didn't work as well this time and she finally said I could transfer.  

After about 5 years, I became the head nurse in the ER.  I had much more contact with Miss T.  We had a lot of meetings and she insisted that we say a prayer at the beginning of each meeting.  She was a member of Utah's predominant faith, Latter Day Saints.    At one of these meetings, she asked me to offer the prayer.  All I could think of was "good food, good meat, good God, let's eat".    I mumbled through something that seemed appropriate but luckily I never got asked again.  Prayer to me is a private thing.

The years passed and the hospital outgrew Miss T. and  white caps and nylons I am not sure when she left but it was before a new hospital was built and we moved there.  Everything changed as the hospital was no longer a  small community.  It continued to grow over the years.  I stayed in the Emergency Department which went from 4 beds in the old hospital to 13 in the new one,  When I retired, it had grown to 35 beds.  

I wondered how Miss T. felt when she left.  Maybe she just knew it was time .  Maybe she felt like I did, that the place was outgrowing her and she couldn't do the things that meant the most to her - being involved and caring for the staff.  I will never know.  I never did see her again after she retired.  

Miss T. died shortly before what would have been my 50th anniversary at Primary Children's.  Her obituary didn't say anything about her years as the director of nursing.  She was 94 years old and maybe those years weren't the most important thing in her life.   Still, I felt bad that part of her life was not honored.  She made a difference to me and influenced my career choices.  I am sure she did for many others too.  I wish I had told her so.  

Last night though, I dreamed about her.  I was working in the ER and telling all the young nurses about what it used to be like.  She came up to me in her cap and white dress and stockings.  She said to me "You sure look peppy and happy here".   

I responded "I think I would have been happier as a staff nurse instead of a manager"
I don't know how she responded.  I wonder if at times she felt the same way.  
Thank you Miss T for all you did.  The little patients at Primary Children's needed you too.