Post birthday ramblings, a snowy day and a great run

“Finally I am coming to the conclusion that my highest ambition is to be what I already am.”

-Thomas Merton

Yeah that comment may have nothing to do with this post but I liked it. And I started a blog post a few weeks ago using it but it didn't go anywhere. However I could not let go of the quote. I think I was going to write something about how we spend the first half of our lives trying to get over who we are and be someone else that we think we should be. Then we spend the second part of our lives accepting, finally, who we are. I have been thinking about that a lot lately and how once I thought I should get fake fingernails because I was going to give my first talk at a national conference. I didn't after all. Get the fake fingernails, I mean. I gave the talk and it was successful, even with my own stubby nails.

Yesterday was my birthday. It was a great day but I was cranky. I missed the call from my mom where she would sing happy birthday on my answering machine even though I haven't heard it in 3 years. I missed Siggie.  And my neighbor Enid who always made a big deal of my birthday. I think my dead loved ones made it snow cause they knew how much I liked it and how happy I would be to sit and watch it. But it made me miss my Jack dog even more.  He loved the snow and always convinced me that a good snow run was in order.

Today I woke up feeling great. I know I am loved. Over 100 people wished me happy birthday on Facebook.   It meant a lot.  Bruce took me to a great play. I had lunch with 4 good friends.  I talked to all three of my children, my grandson and my daughter in law, my sweet sister and even my brother.   It was still snowing. Hard. Big Christmas flakes, as my mama used to call them.

I got off my once perfect ass and got into my running clothes. Pirate and Hanzo wanted to come but they would never have made it through the deep snow.

The roads were clear when I started out but soon became snow packed. So I just took my time, not wanting to break another leg. I listened to Christmas music on my POD and took pictures along the way.

The roads were starting to get a little slick

Pretty Christmas trees in the 'hood.

People were shoveling or blowing snow. We are one of the few people in our neighborhood who still have a shovel I think. An old guy who always puts up a big 4^th of July display in his yard each year actually cheered me on.

“Good for you” he yelled. I raised my arms up in victory and did a weird dance and he applauded. He lives alone. His wife died a few years back and I bet he is pretty lonely. But on this day, he seemed to enjoy the snow as much as I did.

A little ways further I saw Grant, a guy I met mostly because I liked his dog, Newfie. Newfie died a few years ago of cancer. Grant was blowing snow but stopped to give me a high five and a hug. “You've got the mailman all beat to hell, he said”.

By now it was really snowing. I pulled up the hood on my jacket. “These are the times to remember, cause they will not last forever”, Billy Joel reminded me. Yeah it's not a Christmas song but it was in my Christmas list because I liked it.

People going by in their cars were giving me incredulous looks. Either they were thinking, “Damn, I wish I was out there” or “What the hell is wrong with her”.

I reached down to pet Jackie, or at least his spirit. I know he was with me. He always loved the snow runs and I imagine was happy I finally got out there.

Sure miss you, Jackie!

My dog friend Teton, looking out the window and wishing he could come out and get the milkbone I always bring for him.

On a nice tree lined street, that used to just be fields without any fancy houses, I saw another person snow blowing. It turned out to be a doctor friend, who I knew as a resident. He actually is responsible for my first pregnancy....not in the biblical sense but he installed my first IUD the now defunct Lippy Loop which resulted in my sweet baby girl.  He actually delivered Billy.   He recognized me and also gave me a hug. I remembered that his daughter had committed suicide many years ago because of chronic pain. So many people – no, everyone has some hidden tragedy or pain that if we don't know about, we can make assumptions about them that are not true.

Wow so far, I had gotten two hugs and a standing ovation...life is good on the run in the snow.

I finally saw one other runner who cautioned me about a big mud puddle and a tree branch blocking part of the path. I managed to get by both of them. This is the most scenic part of my usual run during any time of the year.

A tree branch blocking the path but not entirely

A big puddle...looking like an obstacle course for a while.

 Running up the final hill to my house, I saw another guy shoveling.

Heading toward home.  One last hill

“I thought we were the only one in the 'hood without a snow blower”, I commented.

“Well I have one, but for the light stuff I don't use it”, he answered, but went on to say,
“But I am almost 60. So I have to be careful”.

I wanted to tell him my husband was 62, still slim, trim and racy, and still able to shovel. But then I remembered that I might not know his story. Maybe he had a heart condition or something. I shouldn't judge.

I got home pretty wet and snow covered but happy, with a lot of good pictures. And a better outlook on life.

not my best look, but I had fun

I guess accepting who we are means accepting the bad days when you are cranky even when you know you have a lot to be thankful for. These days most always pass away and bring a better day in the morning. We have to accept that as humans some times we aren't kind to those we love. Sometimes we are even less kind to ourselves.

Accepting who I am means I won't apologize for being an optimist and seeing the good side. I have certainly screwed up but maybe those experiences have gotten me where I am today. Spreading good vibes is much better than spreading negative energy. There's enough of that around as it is.

My final words of advice? Beware of all ventures that require fake fingernails. Translated, that means, don't do anything where you must be someone other than who you really are.  Because who you are is enough.