Jackie, our dog, and my best running buddy ever, lost his fight last Friday with his dumb liver tumor - despite his best efforts and my best hospice nurse efforts. I won't go into detail but he let us know it was time, and a wonderful vet, Dr. Tanya Kjeldberg came to our house to help us. I had promised Jack I would not take him back to the vet and I would not let him suffer. Tanya was obviously an animal lover - you would have to be to do what she does and this is all she does - home pet hospice and euthanasia. After this experience, I will never take a pet to the vet for his final exit. Her website is
here.
Jack did not suffer. In fact that day, he did not seem to be in any pain, but retreated from us as some animals do. Death, I think, in animals as well as people, is something that you have to do alone. Just two days earlier, I had taken him for a walk to the park because another promise I made was that I would not give up on him and as long as he wanted to go for a walk we would go. He had his pride too...at first he would start out of the house like he always did when we ran, and try to run up the street - until he decided that wasn't going to work and then he would slow down. During that last walk I could tell that his spirit was willing but his body wasn't quite up to it so we cut it even shorter than we had been.
Oh yes, it was hard - so hard to say goodbye. Bruce and I said it would be a long time before we ever got another dog. The next day, though, we were talking about "if we get another dog....."
We also have our grand dogs, Pirate and Hanzo, who seemed to know
something was going on and were more snuggly than usual - even the
rather reclusive Hanzo seemed bothered - but that did not keep him from
claiming Jack's bed. He tried to do that while Jack was still here,
and Jack, being the gentleman that he was, would just go lay on the
floor.
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| Pirate and Hanzo doing what they like to do best |
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| Pirate spent a lot of time in Jack's final days, just sitting by him |
A person could learn so many things from a dog....like how to enjoy every minute of every day. Jack didn't care what time of day or night it was or if it was 5 degrees out or snowing....if I wanted to run, he would go. I never ever had a bad run when Jack was with me. He made me realize what a privilege and joy it was to be out there. He also taught me to notice things and stop and check stuff out, say "hi" to other dogs, and their humans. I never quite got into the sniffing butts thing that he did.
Dogs have this attitude of "A ride in the car? Sure that's my favorite thing. A run in the park? Sure, that's my favorite thing. A lick of beer from your finger? Oh yes please. Dry kibbles every day? Sure...love it! Bring 'em on". They are so accepting and adaptable. They are good listeners and don't care what you are wearing or what you look like. They don't judge you. But they are a good judge of character. I am sorry but if Jack didn't like you (and he liked most everyone) I am not going to completely trust you either. There is a reason why "dog" is "God" spelled backwards. I believe dogs are closer to God than any human. And they know how to live and how to die with dignity. Despite his weakness Jack managed to go outside and do his business right up till the end.
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| Having fun in the snow |
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| Jack and I enjoying and early morning snow run...not a very good effort at a self portrait |
I had my weird denial thoughts for a while after his death. "What if Jack wasn't really dead, and he wakes up in the Vet's truck on the way to be cremated? What if he starts barking at stuff like he does when we take him for a ride? What if the tumor magically disappears and the doctor just brings him back home?"
And then there were the "What ifs?" Maybe I should have taken him to get IV fluids so he wasn't so dehydrated and maybe he would have bounced back? But he was 12 1/2 years old. He had a large tumor. He knew it was his time to go.
In the end I imagine him greeting so many friends, canine and otherwise in Heaven.
"Jack, when did you get in"? my dad would ask.
"Boy you had it a lot better than I did! I had to sleep outside for a few years", Bailey our first dog would add.
"Want to go for a run in the morning? I know a lot of good routes up here" from my friend and running buddy, Bob who died of ALS.
"I am sorry I got mad at you for chewing up that carpet when I was there." My mom said. "I should have been hanging out with you instead of watching my soaps.
Jack would go over to Siggie and put his head on her knee and she would look at him and say, "You have such kind eyes. Just like my Willi". They will immediately become good friends and she will introduce them to all the dogs and cats she and my sister had to say goodbye to including Billi and Poo and Mama Harold, DeeDee, and all the Toupsis.
When I run now without him, I imagine him by my side and reach down and pet him from time to time. Just like I do for Bailey. And someday, because I know he would want me to, I will find another dog who needs a home and a running buddy. But not yet.
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| Jacks favorite pose |
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| Jack during one of our last trips to the park |
We are sure going to miss you big guy. Wait for me. Until we meet again, keep on running. I will follow your example and keep running and be happy till I know when it is time to quit.
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Perhaps
they are not stars, but rather openings in heaven where the love of our
lost ones pours through and shines down upon us to let us know they are
happy.”
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