add water and shake
Sometimes I have weird and irrational thoughts about my dead loved ones. When my dad died, I wondered if his amputated leg went to heaven or if it was just floating around somewhere with all the lost socks that enter another dimension through the washing machine or the dryer. Or was it with my missing uterus, ovaries and fallopian tubes? I know that these kinds of thoughts are normal (or maybe a little bit less normal than the thoughts that the dead person might still walk through the door) but still...sometimes I worry about myself and my mental condition. My imaginary friend Jennifer worries about this too - but that's another story. I think some of the weird thoughts took root when, at the funeral home signing papers for my dad's cremation we were asked to sign a statement saying that we understood that cremation was not reversible. Do people really think the ashes can be reconstituted into a person? And with my weird thoughts, maybe it is a good thing they made us sign that statement.
When my mom died, I had this idea that she really didn't die but that someone kidnapped her and took her to Venice, Italy where she always wanted to go. Someone needed grandparents for their kid and had enough money to repair the damage that the stroke did - you know how health care is better in all of those foreign countries? Also, I still see ladies that look like my mom wandering around when I am out and about and think that perhaps she just wanted to get away for a while. But come on ma, it has already been three years. It's time to come back already.
Now Siggie is gone. "Gone" is a stupid word but sounds nicer than "dead". When Barb called me to say Siggie was gone, my first thought was "where did she go?"
My sis and I miss her so much. My sis who had lived with her for 42 years probably misses her more than I do. I miss her caring about me and giving me cooking advice and even her sometimes bad moods. Some of the good memories make the pain less acute I think. She was such a funny lady with a great sense of humor. She was one of those rare people who could have fun on the spur of the moment. I remember once when I was there visiting my mom (my alive mom, before she went to Venice to live) I went over to visit Siggie while Barb was working a 3-11 shift. We started drinking "crabby" (whiskey and Pepsi) and I think I was still there when Barb got off work. Siggie never let me forget how I threw her cigarettes on the floor in one of my many attempts to get her to quit. She wasn't mad, though. I walked back home, not in a straight line I am sure, and saw the first fire fly I had seen in a long time. This was the same night I discovered my mom watched soft porn on cinemax - but that too is another story.
I talk to my sister every night, at 7pm. I used to talk to my mom every morning and evening before she died. Haven't been able to get her new phone number yet. When I talked to Barb, I always said, "Tell Siggie good night and that I love her". Sometimes before I could say anything, Barb would say "I'll tell her".
Barb and I were talking about pancakes one night and how they are one of the few things I make - and I make them from scratch. Barb said "Siggie used to make the kind that you got in a carton and then you just added water and shook and you had pancake batter".
Which started us thinking....we understand that cremation is not reversible...but what if we added water to the ashes and shook them? Would she emerge, shaking herself off, like a wet dog does?
I am still in the habit of saying goodnight to Sig, but Barb usually beats me to the punch by saying "I'll tell her".
"Add water and shake", I add. Who knows what might happen?
When my mom died, I had this idea that she really didn't die but that someone kidnapped her and took her to Venice, Italy where she always wanted to go. Someone needed grandparents for their kid and had enough money to repair the damage that the stroke did - you know how health care is better in all of those foreign countries? Also, I still see ladies that look like my mom wandering around when I am out and about and think that perhaps she just wanted to get away for a while. But come on ma, it has already been three years. It's time to come back already.
Now Siggie is gone. "Gone" is a stupid word but sounds nicer than "dead". When Barb called me to say Siggie was gone, my first thought was "where did she go?"
My sis and I miss her so much. My sis who had lived with her for 42 years probably misses her more than I do. I miss her caring about me and giving me cooking advice and even her sometimes bad moods. Some of the good memories make the pain less acute I think. She was such a funny lady with a great sense of humor. She was one of those rare people who could have fun on the spur of the moment. I remember once when I was there visiting my mom (my alive mom, before she went to Venice to live) I went over to visit Siggie while Barb was working a 3-11 shift. We started drinking "crabby" (whiskey and Pepsi) and I think I was still there when Barb got off work. Siggie never let me forget how I threw her cigarettes on the floor in one of my many attempts to get her to quit. She wasn't mad, though. I walked back home, not in a straight line I am sure, and saw the first fire fly I had seen in a long time. This was the same night I discovered my mom watched soft porn on cinemax - but that too is another story.
I talk to my sister every night, at 7pm. I used to talk to my mom every morning and evening before she died. Haven't been able to get her new phone number yet. When I talked to Barb, I always said, "Tell Siggie good night and that I love her". Sometimes before I could say anything, Barb would say "I'll tell her".
Barb and I were talking about pancakes one night and how they are one of the few things I make - and I make them from scratch. Barb said "Siggie used to make the kind that you got in a carton and then you just added water and shook and you had pancake batter".
Which started us thinking....we understand that cremation is not reversible...but what if we added water to the ashes and shook them? Would she emerge, shaking herself off, like a wet dog does?
I am still in the habit of saying goodnight to Sig, but Barb usually beats me to the punch by saying "I'll tell her".
"Add water and shake", I add. Who knows what might happen?
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| Me, Barb and Siggie before she needed reconstitution! |
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