why i go to church
I probably go to church 2 or 3 times each month. I used to go more but some mornings I just want to read the paper and drink coffee. When Dan was home, he went with me and it was easier when someone else was going. But that's not an excuse. Well, yes, it is my excuse, maybe not a good one but like Don Williams "I don't believe that heaven waits for only those who congregate" and Garrison Keillor's "You can no more become a Christian by going to church than you can become an automobile by sleeping in your garage."
When I do go to church, it is mostly because of my church girls - the older ladies there who inspire me and have made me realize that inside all older women, there's still a young girl - not necessarily trying to get out, but trying to be heard. I have learned that as I get older, I get a sense of being invisible. Maybe I am paranoid but already I feel the patronizing looks and the unspoken pats on the head "oh aren't you just so cute? You can say something and people nod politely at you but then look to someone younger for the real answer. Catalogs only show younger women - 35 at the oldest. We older girls are left to wear Sag Harbor - or Koret - matching tops and bottoms in some sort of polyester with elastic waists and cuffs on the tops that match the print on the bottoms.
These three ladies (really only one of them out of the three is left) I officially called my "church girls" - have been through so much - the loss of spouses, and the ravages of age. Thelma died a few years ago, and Velda, at 96, no longer can make it to church. But we visit her and take her lunch and a beer and she is still as sharp as can be. She calls me once in a while and says "I love you and I think about you every day".
Mary Alice goes most Sundays and she and I sometimes are the only ones in our row - second from the back. She is a southern girl, with beautiful porcelain skin. I think she is in her 80's but dresses nicely with beautiful scarfs and doesn't smell old. Her favorite color is pink. She misses me when I don't go to church and when I am there, she hugs me and says "I am so glad you came". She asks about my grandson and looks at the pictures on my phone. I always run mile 16 for her in the St. George marathon. When I used to do the Salt Lake Marathon, she was always standing at mile 8, on a street that used to be where she lived, waving a tiny American Flag. I would stop and give her a hug. She is fragile but feisty and never complains about anything at all.
We miss Thelma who died 5 years ago and often smile at how she used to snort when she laughed. Especially when Merrie, a lady who sat in front of us, brought in a page of funny jokes. Thelma was a basketball player in her youth. She and Velda used to go golfing together up until Thelma got sick with colon cancer. She once told me how she and her husband went to the library and brought a book about sex because they didn't know what they were doing on their honeymoon. She threw all of her books away when her husband died, not wanting her kids to find them.
There's also Les, a world war II veteran, who is an usher. He gives me hell for missing some Sundays. He also gives me a hug and says "watch the pacemaker". He was at Oklahoma beach and remembers it every June. He is another reason I go....and it is nice that I am missed by those people when I don't show up. He and his wife offered to be my mom and dad after my parents died. When I broke my leg I got cards from many of my church friends. It is comforting that there are a group of people out there who might be putting in a good word for me - can't hurt to have good vibes sent in my behalf and added to the good Karmic influences of the world.
I am not a "born again" Christian. I am not sure what I believe. I believe in something bigger than me, but I can't be so sure of things like many people and many of my friends are. It does seem though, if there is a God, none of us know what he (or she) really thinks. You can find whatever you want in the Bible and also find contradictions to that very thing. If there is a God out there, he/she would not condone people hating each other because of their skin color or sexual preferences. All I believe is that a person should be good and do good. I would like to think my mother and dad (and all my dog friends) live on somewhere and I actually believe they are part of the energy that goes on in the world. Even though I did not ever take a physics class I learned that energy cannot be created or destroyed. I think that the best thing that we can all do is just contribute something of ourselves - something good. I think that dogs are the closest thing to God there is. Going to church isn't necessary. But if you do go, go for the people. You might just find what you need.
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| The original Church Girls: Mary Alice, Velda, and Thelma - about 5 years ago |
These three ladies (really only one of them out of the three is left) I officially called my "church girls" - have been through so much - the loss of spouses, and the ravages of age. Thelma died a few years ago, and Velda, at 96, no longer can make it to church. But we visit her and take her lunch and a beer and she is still as sharp as can be. She calls me once in a while and says "I love you and I think about you every day".
Mary Alice goes most Sundays and she and I sometimes are the only ones in our row - second from the back. She is a southern girl, with beautiful porcelain skin. I think she is in her 80's but dresses nicely with beautiful scarfs and doesn't smell old. Her favorite color is pink. She misses me when I don't go to church and when I am there, she hugs me and says "I am so glad you came". She asks about my grandson and looks at the pictures on my phone. I always run mile 16 for her in the St. George marathon. When I used to do the Salt Lake Marathon, she was always standing at mile 8, on a street that used to be where she lived, waving a tiny American Flag. I would stop and give her a hug. She is fragile but feisty and never complains about anything at all.
We miss Thelma who died 5 years ago and often smile at how she used to snort when she laughed. Especially when Merrie, a lady who sat in front of us, brought in a page of funny jokes. Thelma was a basketball player in her youth. She and Velda used to go golfing together up until Thelma got sick with colon cancer. She once told me how she and her husband went to the library and brought a book about sex because they didn't know what they were doing on their honeymoon. She threw all of her books away when her husband died, not wanting her kids to find them.
There's also Les, a world war II veteran, who is an usher. He gives me hell for missing some Sundays. He also gives me a hug and says "watch the pacemaker". He was at Oklahoma beach and remembers it every June. He is another reason I go....and it is nice that I am missed by those people when I don't show up. He and his wife offered to be my mom and dad after my parents died. When I broke my leg I got cards from many of my church friends. It is comforting that there are a group of people out there who might be putting in a good word for me - can't hurt to have good vibes sent in my behalf and added to the good Karmic influences of the world.
I am not a "born again" Christian. I am not sure what I believe. I believe in something bigger than me, but I can't be so sure of things like many people and many of my friends are. It does seem though, if there is a God, none of us know what he (or she) really thinks. You can find whatever you want in the Bible and also find contradictions to that very thing. If there is a God out there, he/she would not condone people hating each other because of their skin color or sexual preferences. All I believe is that a person should be good and do good. I would like to think my mother and dad (and all my dog friends) live on somewhere and I actually believe they are part of the energy that goes on in the world. Even though I did not ever take a physics class I learned that energy cannot be created or destroyed. I think that the best thing that we can all do is just contribute something of ourselves - something good. I think that dogs are the closest thing to God there is. Going to church isn't necessary. But if you do go, go for the people. You might just find what you need.
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