moments of truth
Every spring when I put on some article of clothing not worn since the previous summer, I have a feeling of fear that it will no longer fit. A moment where, until the skirt (running shorts, shirt, sports bra, socks - well OK - I don't panic about socks) zips up over my potential apron without any problem, I hold my breath. This is related to the moment of truth when I try on something that I ordered online only to realize that I am not 28 years old, 5'7'' and 115 pounds and it doesn't look nearly as nice as it did on the girl wearing it in the picture.
Why is this, when I work so hard running my butt off at 5:45 am, do a few marathons a year, lift weights, and watch what I eat, that my self esteem is such that I fear I have ballooned into a size 12 over the winter? I think it is because the main reason I run isn't to lose weight or even maintain it. I really run to save my sanity from the things that try to sabotage it....like life in general and work and the world problems and now the threat of swine flu. I can feel the cortisol rushing through my worried system and making my pants tighter and my thighs slap together even more! That is until I run and the cortisol stops, my thighs shrink back to normal and my apron disappears. I do lift weights though, because I don't want flabby old lady arms - which is the second thing besides an apron that I don't want. I don't particularly like weights, but with an Ipod it isn't bad.
Life has many other moments of truth - like the first day you wash your hair after a perm....will it be still curly? Or...when you find out you aren't as perfect as you wish to be and have succeeded in hurting someones feelings or pissing someone off or offending someone. Or...when you realize it isn't always about you.
These are all minor moments in the general scheme of things. The one moment of truth I really hate is realizing that I can't call my mom anymore. Despite all of this, life is good.
Why is this, when I work so hard running my butt off at 5:45 am, do a few marathons a year, lift weights, and watch what I eat, that my self esteem is such that I fear I have ballooned into a size 12 over the winter? I think it is because the main reason I run isn't to lose weight or even maintain it. I really run to save my sanity from the things that try to sabotage it....like life in general and work and the world problems and now the threat of swine flu. I can feel the cortisol rushing through my worried system and making my pants tighter and my thighs slap together even more! That is until I run and the cortisol stops, my thighs shrink back to normal and my apron disappears. I do lift weights though, because I don't want flabby old lady arms - which is the second thing besides an apron that I don't want. I don't particularly like weights, but with an Ipod it isn't bad.
Life has many other moments of truth - like the first day you wash your hair after a perm....will it be still curly? Or...when you find out you aren't as perfect as you wish to be and have succeeded in hurting someones feelings or pissing someone off or offending someone. Or...when you realize it isn't always about you.
These are all minor moments in the general scheme of things. The one moment of truth I really hate is realizing that I can't call my mom anymore. Despite all of this, life is good.
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