A womb with a view
The other day I was reading the obituaries like I always do. I noticed that the doctor who delivered my youngest had died. I didn't like him and I hoped I had done nothing by my dislike, to send him bad Karma. I meant him no harm, but he was a jerk.
I had found him rather patronizing during my pregnancy, despite his dark curly hair, and because of his stuck on himself sort of personality. He was used to running the show and had a "there, there, don't worry your pretty little head sort of attitude", but Dan came out okay (no pun intended).
My real dislike came after I ran the Park City Marathon in 2001 and my uterus decided it had done it's civic duty and was no longer willing to be a part of my body, and started to leave on it's own accord. Pelvic pain made me seek medical attention, and my internal medicine doc decided I had a falling out with my uterus. Like many docs, she didn't want to recommend anyone to me, leaving me to seek out someone willing to help me. None could see me in the next few days except my old doc so I reluctantly went to see him.
I left his office that day in tears, shocked by his attitude and joking. The last straw was when he said "Well, if you want a hysterectomy, you got it, babe!" This was after he told me that all of the Scandinavian "Mrs. Johnson's from Wisconsin" are prone to get prolapsed uteruses. "But we men have our prostate problems too, he added". My kind and gentle spouse was shocked when I marched out of the doctor's office and burst into tears. I think he would have gone back in there and slugged him.
It's a long story better told by the excerpts from the letter I wrote him, which I happened to still have in my computer. I wrote it when I got back to work after my leave of absence. I ended up with a much more sympathetic surgeon who removed my poor tired, and prolapsed uterus, along with all of the attachments and accessories. I joined the hystersisters and the ranks of women who struggle with hormone replacement therapy which can never replace the real thing. Here's a chunk of the letter that I wrote back then to this recently deceased doctor:
I am writing this letter to let you know why I did not follow up with you
concerning my problem. I saw you a while back on July 6th, a Friday.
I had seen my physician the day before, because I was having pelvic pain and after discovering that I had a prolapsed uterus, she suggested I see a gynecologist as soon as possible. Since you had delivered my youngest child, I called your office and was grateful to get an appointment the next day.
I left your office that July day in tears. While I believe that you couldn’t do what you do if you weren’t a caring individual, I felt that I was treated in a very condescending and uncaring manner. I was very frightened about a problem I didn’t know much about and certainly a very personal one. But you did not see this and it seemed all that you saw was a middle aged woman with (at least to you), a common problem associated with older women. I did not need to hear about how I was getting older and could expect a dry vagina and painful intercourse. I also didn’t need to hear how older Scandinavian women commonly have a prolapsed uterus that allows for a pap smear without using a speculum. I felt as though being a woman with a problem uterus instead of a pregnant one, I was of no use or of no importance to you. I believe there are things that can and should be done for us middle aged women to prevent dryness, and painful intercourse. I don’t believe that, just because I can no longer reproduce, I am useless and asexual. Unfortunately, I realize that physicians don’t typically get much class time on menopause, or the problems of middle aged women, and we women get even less information unless we seek it out. All I needed and wanted from you was for you to listen, and offer me some reassurance that I was okay.
I am not planning on filing a complaint against you and have not copied this letter to anyone else, even though I have worked at a hospital for 26 years and am friends with many people in the physician division. I am writing this letter in hopes that you will treat the next woman you see with a little more dignity and respect. I hope you will listen and see the frightened woman whether she is pregnant or just suffering from a gynecologic problem that is common to you, but not to her. Put yourself in her place for a moment and think of how you would want to be treated or how you would want your wife to be treated. Above all else, listen. Even though you may have been practicing for many years, you can still learn things from your patients. The minute you get complacent you become dangerous to yourself and others.
I had found him rather patronizing during my pregnancy, despite his dark curly hair, and because of his stuck on himself sort of personality. He was used to running the show and had a "there, there, don't worry your pretty little head sort of attitude", but Dan came out okay (no pun intended).
My real dislike came after I ran the Park City Marathon in 2001 and my uterus decided it had done it's civic duty and was no longer willing to be a part of my body, and started to leave on it's own accord. Pelvic pain made me seek medical attention, and my internal medicine doc decided I had a falling out with my uterus. Like many docs, she didn't want to recommend anyone to me, leaving me to seek out someone willing to help me. None could see me in the next few days except my old doc so I reluctantly went to see him.
I left his office that day in tears, shocked by his attitude and joking. The last straw was when he said "Well, if you want a hysterectomy, you got it, babe!" This was after he told me that all of the Scandinavian "Mrs. Johnson's from Wisconsin" are prone to get prolapsed uteruses. "But we men have our prostate problems too, he added". My kind and gentle spouse was shocked when I marched out of the doctor's office and burst into tears. I think he would have gone back in there and slugged him.
It's a long story better told by the excerpts from the letter I wrote him, which I happened to still have in my computer. I wrote it when I got back to work after my leave of absence. I ended up with a much more sympathetic surgeon who removed my poor tired, and prolapsed uterus, along with all of the attachments and accessories. I joined the hystersisters and the ranks of women who struggle with hormone replacement therapy which can never replace the real thing. Here's a chunk of the letter that I wrote back then to this recently deceased doctor:
I am writing this letter to let you know why I did not follow up with you
concerning my problem. I saw you a while back on July 6th, a Friday.
I had seen my physician the day before, because I was having pelvic pain and after discovering that I had a prolapsed uterus, she suggested I see a gynecologist as soon as possible. Since you had delivered my youngest child, I called your office and was grateful to get an appointment the next day.
I left your office that July day in tears. While I believe that you couldn’t do what you do if you weren’t a caring individual, I felt that I was treated in a very condescending and uncaring manner. I was very frightened about a problem I didn’t know much about and certainly a very personal one. But you did not see this and it seemed all that you saw was a middle aged woman with (at least to you), a common problem associated with older women. I did not need to hear about how I was getting older and could expect a dry vagina and painful intercourse. I also didn’t need to hear how older Scandinavian women commonly have a prolapsed uterus that allows for a pap smear without using a speculum. I felt as though being a woman with a problem uterus instead of a pregnant one, I was of no use or of no importance to you. I believe there are things that can and should be done for us middle aged women to prevent dryness, and painful intercourse. I don’t believe that, just because I can no longer reproduce, I am useless and asexual. Unfortunately, I realize that physicians don’t typically get much class time on menopause, or the problems of middle aged women, and we women get even less information unless we seek it out. All I needed and wanted from you was for you to listen, and offer me some reassurance that I was okay.
I am not planning on filing a complaint against you and have not copied this letter to anyone else, even though I have worked at a hospital for 26 years and am friends with many people in the physician division. I am writing this letter in hopes that you will treat the next woman you see with a little more dignity and respect. I hope you will listen and see the frightened woman whether she is pregnant or just suffering from a gynecologic problem that is common to you, but not to her. Put yourself in her place for a moment and think of how you would want to be treated or how you would want your wife to be treated. Above all else, listen. Even though you may have been practicing for many years, you can still learn things from your patients. The minute you get complacent you become dangerous to yourself and others.
I sent this letter and never got a response or an apology. Six weeks after surgery I ran another marathon - not my best but I think I wanted to know I was really not old just cause I had an old lady sort of problem. I still run happily along without a uterus bouncing on my bladder and making me have to stop and pee.
Godspeed Dr. H. I had forgiven you a long time ago. Maybe you did better by other women. I sure would like to think so.
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